Poems and Prose
by gizmo8us
Summary: Greek  Casey has a secret admirer.  Casey ?
1. Chapter 1

_Casey, _

_I sit here three rows down and watch you as you lean against your hand, reading something on your computer screen. It's intoxicating, just seeing you sitting there, lost in your own thoughts, completely oblivious to the outside world and the effect you have on it. And you do have an effect on it. Your presence is like sunshine breaking through a rain storm. It's like a rainbow across a cloudless blue sky after an afternoon shower. _

_You fill the room with a special something that is completely you whenever you walk in. _

_And you don't even realize the power you have. You don't understand what you do just by being you. _

_Your eyes sparkle like the most flawless sapphires as you smile at something you read and it causes my heart to beat faster. You beginning nibbling at the tip of your long, perfect red nail as you concentrate on the screen and I wish more than anything in the world I had the power to captivate you as you have captivated me. _

_I know that I am not the man you're thinking of us as you drift away to sleep tonight and I can only hold on to the hope that someday you will know me. Someday you will see me like I see you, as the bright center of the universe, the Sun which the world revolves around. _

_Someday, love. Someday. _

I sat there reading and rereading the message I just received and trying to figure out where it came from, who sent it. It was the third of its kind and I still had no clue as to the author's identity. But what I did know was that my heart jumped every time I saw that I had a message from him. His words were so beautiful and sincere.

Evan's voice droned away in the background of my thoughts reminding me that he was there, sitting across from me sipping at a Styrofoam cup and telling me about something I was clearly not interested in. I nodded indulgently every once in a while, never hinting that really his presence was more or less just annoying me at the moment as I tried to concentrate on the words in front of me and how I was going to reply to them.

Was I cheating on Evan by just talking to this person that obvious had more than friendly feelings towards me ? I considered that for a moment. Then deciding that just talking to someone couldn't possibly be considered cheating. It was just talking and it wasn't even in person. I didn't even know who this guy was.

So with my conscious clear, I hit the reply button and began to type, doing my best to block Evan from my thoughts for the time being.

_Tennyson1987, _

_I have enjoyed reading your beautiful words over and over and I want you to know how much they touched me. My heart raced at seeing your message and knowing what would lie inside. I eager await your next lines. You are a bright spot in my day, a much needed bright spot in days that seem, lately to drag on endlessly with little to look forward to beside your message. _

_Awaiting your next message with much anticipation. _

_Casey_

I closed my laptop and let my attention drift to the window beside my table. A steady wind was causing several leaves in bright autumn colors to sway to the ground and I watched them settle in a pile at the foot of a large tree. It was turning colder outside. I had noticed the morning before as I headed for class.

Summer was officially over and it was time to turn my thoughts to serious matters like school and the sorority and all the things I got a break from during the, not nearly long enough summer months.

I had just returned to school the week before and the last few days had been exhausting.

I hadn't seen Rusty since I dropped him off at the Kappa Tau house on our first day back and I imagined he was settling in nicely to life as a full fledge member of a Fraternity. I also knew that Cappie was there, looking out for him and that took a huge weight off my mind. Knowing that someone was watching him, helping him make his way through college life let me relax, even if that someone was Cappie.

There was a blast from my past, I thought with a crocked smile. It was the same smile I always got when I thought about Cappie. There was a feeling that went along with it as well, something close to nostalgia and a few other emotions that I wasn't very interested in exploring too closely. I had spent most of last year trying to put him in the past where he belonged and I determined that this year I would get it done. There would be no more wayward thoughts of eating pie in bed and nights spent on a blanket in the backyard of the Kappa Tau house. No more waking up in the middle of the night from dreams so vivid I fully expected to find him laying with me, his arm wrapped protectively around my waist and his warm, solid body resting against my back, so vivid I could feel him there in the darkness.

" What are you thinking about so intently ? " Evan asked, causing a startled gasp from me and drawing my attention from the window.

" Uh, nothing... " I waved him off and smiled. " What were you saying ? "

He cleared his throat and shifted in his chair, picking up his cup again. " I said, I need to be getting back to the house. I have a group of new pledges just waiting for someone to come along and torment them. "

"That's fine. I was just thinking about heading to the library for a while, actually. " I lied.

" Well, " he stood and kissed me fleetingly. " I'll see you at the party later. "

I nodded and watched him walk away. Then I realized that every touch, every kiss we had shared since I got back was just like the one just then, fleeting, forced and inconsequential. It felt like something fading away, like smoke drifting in the air. I saw myself reaching out for it, but unable to grasp it completely in my hand. I wanted to stop it, to halt the relationship from disappearing like I could clearly see it doing, but I just didn't have the energy.

Shouldn't that tell me something ? Should it mean something that I wasn't willing to put an effort into fixing something I could see was broken. Well, I amended silently, it wasn't broken it just wasn't working right at the moment. Something was missing. A fire, a passion. Something I couldn't quite describe and thinking about it I wondered if it had ever been there at all or was I remembering, once again, a time from my past with a different guy ?

I was content with Evan. He was where I belonged, but the more I thought about it the more certain I became that that fire had never existed between us, that passion. Those sort of emotions weren't Evan. He was calm and reserved and sturdy and dependable. Everything I should want. But deep down I carved fire and passion and even a bit of craziness.

I wanted to go dancing in the rain or stand on the edge of a cliff and scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to parachute out of a plane or go hang gliding. I was so tired of being safe and content.

I couldn't remember the last time Evan and I screamed at each other and I wanted that. It sounded crazy even as I thought it, but it was the truth. I wanted to fight like my whole existence depended on it, carrying on for so long that words stop meaning anything and my throat burned from screaming. Then I wanted to spend hours making up, clinging desperately to him like he was a life preserver and I was a passenger on a sinking ship.

I stopped my train of thought abruptly as it occurred to me that those weren't things I wanted to do, they were things I had done. Just not with Evan.

_Damn it !_ This has to stop. Why couldn't I forget that time of my life ? Why did my mind keep returning to freshman year and a tall, scruffy looking, crazy, good for nothing stoner that I was so desperately in love with I couldn't see straight ?

It was over. It had been over for a long while now. It was time for my mind to catch up. I could not go through another year of trying to put Cappie behind me. I could not go through another year of missing him so much my chest hurt every time I was alone and had a moment to think. Evan was my present and my future and he was what I needed. I would not let myself continue to relive the emotional roller coaster that Cappie brought into my life.

For God's sake, we broke up over a year ago. I had moved on. I was completely over him. And the last thing I wanted was the stress and heartache that was my relationship with Cappie.

But it hadn't all been bad, I conceded. Hell it hadn't even been half bad. Most of the time it was wonderful beyond my wildest dreams. A passion I had always wanted for myself. Cappie and Evan were such different men I wondered at times how I could have loved both of them. My love for Evan was safe and steady, like a warm blanket I could wrap myself in when the nights turned cold. My love for Cappie had been frenzied and passionate. I loved him with an intensely insane furiousness that scared me at times. I had no idea that anyone could feel so much for someone else. It was crazy, wanting to be with him every second of everyday, desperate to be with him every waking moment. I hadn't been able to get enough of him and that was the scary part. He become my whole existence, he was everything, my whole world revolving around him. It wasn't a healthy relationship. At times it was self destructive. I was insanely jealous every time I suspected he was looking at another girl, but that had all been rooted in fear. Fear that he would find some else and leave me floundering, lost on my own. I began to see myself as a sad, hopeless loser clinging to her man for fear that she would lose everything if he left her. I couldn't let myself be that person. I couldn't continue on that road.

So when the sisters came to me and told me I had to choose. It wasn't an easy choice but I knew deep down that the sorority was the right choice. It was what I had to do in order to reclaim who I was. Because desperate and sad had never been who I was. Confident and in control is who I am. Not clingy and insecure.

" Well, well, if it isn't Miss Cartwright. " A familiar voice startled me and I jerked around towards him.

" Cappie, " I breathed, slightly taken aback by his appearance and my recent thoughts.

" You're looking tan and trim, must have been a pretty good summer. " he smiled as he took the seat next to me. Not across from me where Evan had been, but right next me, close enough that his leg brushed against mine when he moved.

" It was good. " I answered, trying to keep my mind off the shot of electricity that coursed through me from the touch of skin to mine. Why did he have to be wearing shorts ? " How was your's ? "

" Great. Spent some quality time with the folks. Had a few laughs." He leaned back.

" How are your parents ? " I asked, I genuinely liked his Mom and Dad, they were kind and loving and a bit crazy. I saw a lot of them in Cappie.

" Harold and Olivia are well. They are on a sabbatical to Tibet at the moment. Finding Buddha or what have you. How about yours ? "

" They're fine. They really enjoyed the Bahamas, but I bet Rusty has told you all about that. " I smiled, referring to my summer vacation with my parents.

He laughed. " He might have mentioned it. " He paused dramatically. " He might have mentioned it more than once and even presented a slide show on the subject. You looked great in that little red number, by the way. "

I could feel the blush rising in my cheeks and I buried my head in my hands, embarrassed beyond belief. I was going to murder that little twit in his sleep.

" Hey, " I twitched involuntarily as he reached up and took my hand away. " I'm telling you, you have no reason to be embarrassed that was a hell of a swimsuit. "

I was incapable of hiding my smile as I recalled in my entirely too small red bikini with the ties on the sides that held it together. How could Rusty do this to me ?

" I can't believe he showed you those pictures. Did he just show you, at least ? Or am I the new wet dreaming running rampant through the Kappa Tau house ? "

" Oh, " he smiled widely, flashing perfectly set, brilliantly white teeth. " He showed everyone. I think he even invited his nerd herd over for the show as well. " His laughter was contagious and I couldn't help but join him, more out of embarrassment than amusement. " He let me have the one of you on the beach though. I have it in a frame beside my bed. "  
" Isn't that going to cramp your style a bit with all the lady friends ? " I teased, secretly delighted that he had a picture of me in his room and hating myself for being delighted. I was so confused.

He leaned in closer and the smell of his aftershave claimed my senses, drowning me in feelings I had no business feeling. " Honey, when women come to my room, the last thing they are looking at is my nightstand. " He bragged, his tone smug and self appreciative.

I sighed. " Have you considered that maybe one of them might visit more than once and have time to look around ? "

He looked shocked. " Absolutely not ! " he exclaimed. " I take great pains to insure that does not happen. "

Rolling my eyes, I smiled again, looking into his crystal blue eyes, eyes that still got to me whether I wanted them to or not. " When are you going to grow up ? "

He leaned back in his chair, raising the front two feet off the floor. " When life makes it impossible for me not to. "

" Well, Peter Pan. " I said standing. " I need to get to the library. Tell Rusty hi for me. "

" You should come by and tell him yourself. We're having a little get together tonight. "

I laughed out loud. " Friday night and there's a party at the Kappa Tau house. What a shock ! "

" We pride ourselves on our consistency. " he beamed.

" The Omega Chi's are having a party tonight as well, so I think I'll say thanks but no thanks. " I told him.

" Wow, An Omega Chi party. I often wonder how one could get so much argyle in one place or how all those huge wallets could fit in that one little house." he said sardonically.

" Well, we may have to open by the backyard, but I'm sure we'll manage. " I returned the smile in kind.

I could feel him watching me walk away, his gaze so intense it felt like a physical touch and it caused goose bumps on my skin.

God ! I had to find a way to get that man out of my mind.


	2. Chapter 2

_Casey,_

_I had a dream and you were with me. It was beautiful, the two of us together, sitting on the beach, watching a sunset that paled in comparison to your exquisiteness. How could something as mundane as a sunset, hope to match the warmth of the sparkle in you eyes or the ebullience of your smile ?_

_The stars shrink further into the sky, taking a step back as you approach, knowing they could never compete with your radiance. I feel cheated knowing that I am only allowed to look upon you with the inadequate human eye. For how could the human eye process the full brilliance of everything that you are ? _

_I wonder if you realize how you have changed my soul simply by knowing of your existence ? How you have alter this one small humans world with your presence. Everything seemed dimmer, less perfect before I knew of you. You breathed life into a world that was sad and ordinary before you witnessed it. _

_I am forced to make a small observation now. One that I realize you may not want to hear, but how can you let yourself be with someone who so obviously doesn't appreciate the extraordinary something that is everything that you are ? I have no wish to interfere with your life. I just wish more for you than that. I wish for you someone who truly understands what loving you is about. For you deserve no ordinary love. You deserve something beyond imagination, something soul consuming and passion-filled. I maybe very wrong, but it doesn't appear, at least on the outside, that you have found that kind of love and that makes me sad. Seeing that you are not loved the way you should be loved, desired the way you deserve to be desired. How could one be allowed into your heart and not grab hold with both hands and adore you above anything else ? _

_One day, Casey, I can hope to be the one to show you how you truly should be love. _

There he was again. His words staring back at me beautiful and eloquent. Who was this man who took so much time and care to play with my emotions and make me want to know him ? I took a deep breath and looked around the small cafe outside of Starbucks and wondered if he was watching me as I sat there trying to decide how to respond to his most recent message.

I cast a glance around me, looking for anyone that seemed familiar because obviously he was someone that, at least, knew me in some small way. But no one stood out as I scanned the crowd and I tried to hide the disappointment from my face.

Then my heart skipped a beat as I spotted someone very familiar, indeed. He was sitting across the street at a table against the wall, partially hidden by a bush. But there was no mistaking those eyes, eyes that took me in so effectively I could feel them once again.

Cappie's eyes were a part of him I never could resist. They were so soulful and expressive. Blue seemed such a common word to use to describe them. They weren't just blue any more than they were just eyes. They were electric and almost always turned up at the corners in a smile.

That was Cappie, always smiling, carefree and happy. I asked him once when we were together how he could be so happy all the time and he told me, " You only see me happy because you only see me when you are with me. " It was the most adorable thing anyone had ever said to me. I thought he was kidding at the time, giving me a patented 'Cappie' line, but the sincerity in his face told me he was completely serious and it had scared me a bit in the most wonderful way possible.

Cappie had a way of doing that to me, scaring me with the force of the emotions I felt when I was with him. Being scared of the outside world was one thing. I could deal with that. But being scared of myself. That was something else entirely. I had no idea about that.

I smiled as he noticed me watching him and to my chagrin he stood and started across the street towards me. I pushed down the slight flutter of my stomach at seeing him approach and braced myself. I was not happy to see him. I figured if I kept telling myself that, I would believe it sooner or later.

" We meet again. " He smiled, his yellow t-shirt set off his bronze skin tone and brought his eyes even more to life. His black denim shorts were actually tighter than he usually wore his clothes and his hair looked like he might have made an effort to tame it, although it failed. But parts of it was behaving in an orderly fashion.

" How long have you been over there watching me ?" I asked, trying to sound annoyed. The last thing I wanted was for him to know that I was secretly happy to see him.

" I wasn't watching you. " He lied unconvincingly.

" I saw you. "

" You saw me sitting there. And if my memory is correct, it was you watching me actually. "

He slid easily into the chair beside me. Once again, not across from me, but right beside me, like he made it a point to be as close to me as he possibly could.

Then a thought occurred to me and I fixed him with a whithering glare. " Have you been sending me e-mails ? "

He barked out a full throated laugh and leaned closer. " No, why ? Have you been receiving mystery messages ? "

I rolled my eyes, not sure whether to believe him or not. Ha ! I had my first suspect. " Maybe. If it is you, knock it off. Evan would kill you if he found out. "

His face fell, as it always did at the mention of Evan's name. " It isn't me, so I have nothing to fear from Mr. Fantastic. Not that I would if I was sending them. " He caught my eyes and held them for a moment. " They aren't creepy messages, are they ? "

I laughed, touched by his concern. " No, they're sweet. It's just driving me crazy trying to figure out who they're from. "

" I could ask around. I know a lot of people. " he offered.

" No, it's fine. I'll figure it out on my own. " The last thing I needed was Cappie scaring off whoever was writing the messages. I really was enjoying them. " So, how have you been ? I haven't seen you around the party circuit much so far this year. Don't tell me you decided to get sober and become a grown up ? "

My mock shock caused him to smile again and he leaned back in his chair. " I've been busy with Rush and everything. Besides, it's Junior year. I have to pick a new major or next year they will expect me to leave and we can't have that."

I rubbed at my eyes tiredly. " You will have to leave school eventually, Cap. You know that right ? "

" Yeah, I know. I'm just still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I'd hate to make the wrong choice and have to live with that decision for the rest of my life. "

His comment was pointed and it's double meaning for me obviously clear. He was referring to Evan. I knew it, he knew and what's more, he knew I knew.

I decided maybe it was time for a talk between us. " You know I didn't leave you for Evan, right ? That is not what happened at all. "

He dropped his chair legs to the floor with a resounding thump and leaned forward, crossing his arms on the table in front of him, all humor was gone from his face. It was an expression I wasn't used to seeing him wear and it unnerved me. " I know that. " he answered finally. " You aren't the type to go around trading up like that. I also know that your sister's were the ones that didn't like me. They were the ones that convinced you, you weren't happy with me. What I don't know is whether or not it was how you really felt ? " He inclined his head slightly and I swallowed the hard knot that had formed in my throat at his words. " So how about we have a little honesty now ? Tell me the truth, were you happy when we were together ? "

Happier than I have ever been in my life ! I wanted to scream me to him. To make the heartfelt confession with violins playing in the background and cupid standing in the corner with a bow. But, of course, I didn't. I couldn't. Telling him the truth was impossible and something in his eyes told me he wasn't really expecting me, too, either.

His question wasn't about him knowing the answer. It was about me thinking about the answer. That was his plan. To make me think. To make me remember and it was working, despite my fighting against it.

" I was happy, at times. " I said after a minute, trying to choose my words as carefully as possible. I didn't want to say something that was going to lead him on, make him think there was something still there between us. That was a little secret I planned to keep to myself. " But there were definitely times that I wasn't. "

He chuckled softly and I thought for a second he was going to take my hand, but he didn't. He simply rested it beside mine on the table. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. " You know, even when we were completely miserable, shouting and yelling and so angry I couldn't see, I was still happier than I had ever been. " He told me quietly.

I looked away from him, content to concentrate on the tiled floor under our feet. " Please stop saying things like that, Cappie. It isn't fair. "

" Why ? I'm just being honest. Would you rather I lie to you ? " he asked, unfazed.

I took a deep breath. " I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to dance around each other all year again, having these little moments and being confused and frustrated. "

He smiled and caught my chin with his finger bringing my eyes back to his. " I make you confused and frustrated ? "

I rolled my eyes, instantly regretting my words. " That isn't what I meant. " I insisted.

" But it's what you said. I was a psych major, remember. " He was not about to let me slither away, the determination was clearly evident on his face. " Why do I make you confused, Casey ? What is it about me that leaves you feeling so frustrated ? I mean, if you are as over me as you claim to be, why should I make you feel anything at all ? "

" Cappie, " I whispered as he leaned in and putting my hand up to stop him before he kissed me was one of the hardest things I've ever done. " I can't do this. I want this to be over. "

" Why, Case, Why are you so determined not to love me when it obviously isn't working for you ? " he asked, closing in again.

And God help me, this time I didn't stop him. I sat there watching his lips move as he spoke and I wanted nothing more in the world than to feel them against mine, just one more time.

They were warm and firm and anything but fleeting. I let myself sink into the kiss, felt him caressing my lips and I opened them, allowing him to taste the coffee I had just finished as he grazed my tongue with his.

His hand closed around my ribcage. I could feel his fingers digging into my side, just under my breast, as he pulled my forward, closer to him. And again I let him. It didn't seem, at the moment, I was capable of doing much of anything else. I couldn't fight him. I couldn't deny that this was what I really wanted, not now.

Everything vanished from my mind in that instant. There was no Evan, no ZBZ's, no school, nothing but him and the feelings he was invoking in me. All those feelings that I long to experience. My stomach flopped, my heart raced, my head spun, and it felt like I was floating all at once. It felt wonderful and I wished with my entire soul for the moment to never end.

But it did, like all moments eventually do. Oxygen, our awkward position and the fact that we were making out in broad daylight, brought this one to a close. A rather abrupt close as that last thought finally seeped into my brain and I pushed him back.

His eyes were full of hurt and confusion when he looked at me. I wanted to be able to make that look disappear. But I couldn't. This was my life I was playing with. My future and I had no intentions of throwing it all away because Cappie gave me a few, okay, well, a lot of warm gushy feelings.

I didn't say anything. There wasn't anything for me to say. I just got up and walked away as quickly as I could manage.

" You know you have him cleaning like a lunatic again, don't you ? " My younger brother's voice called to me as I was walking across campus, arms loaded down with a stack of books, on my way to the library to start a paper for my psych class.

" What ? Who is cleaning ? " I asked, as he fell into step beside me.

" Cappie. I don't know what he'll do next. He's running out of things to scrub. "

I shook my head mournfully and looked at the sidewalk. " I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset him. "

" Well, whatever you keep doing is upsetting him and I'm here to ask you to stop. " Rusty told me in a voice he only used occasionally when he was really mad at me.

I stopped and turned to him. " He kissed me. I didn't encourage him. I didn't ask him to. It was all him. Tell him to stop chasing after me and I'll leave him alone as well. It's all I've wanted to do for going on two years now. "

He eyed me the way he did when he didn't believe me and I pretended to ignore the look. He, however, wasn't planning on letting the subject drop. " Is it really, Casey ? "

" Of course it is. I just want to get on with my life. My life with Evan. But Cappie keeps turning up, mucking up the plan. " I sighed heavily.

Rusty was squinting as he stood facing the sun, but still I could see the doubt there. " Why can't you see how much he loves you ? He's more in love with you than Evan ever thought about. "

I shifted impatiently. " This isn't about who loves me more, Russ. It's about... " I let my voice trail off as I tried to find the right words to explain my situation.

But he jumped in before I had a chance. " It's about who can do more for you. " he spat angrily.

I was flabbergasted. Was that really how he saw me, some opportunistic bitch who used people for what she could get out them?

" Rusty, that isn't it. How can you say that ? " I asked, feeling the tears stinging my eyes.

" That's the way it looks to me. Hell, that's the way it looks to just about everyone that isn't a part of the Casey Cartwright fan club. You dumped Cappie because he couldn't further your political ambitions and Evan does. "

I turned away from him. The tears free flowing now, I batted at them with my free hand.

" You know, we haven't seen eye to eye on most things in life. We rarely agree on anything, in fact. But deep down, I've always seen you as a good person. Frankly, since I came here and got mixed up in your love life, I'm beginning to wonder just who you really are. "

I sniffled and stopped even trying to stop crying as his footsteps resounded on the pavement behind me.

" Case, " another voice called me from the opposite direction. Wow, I was popular suddenly. But this was a voice I wanted to hear at the moment. I turned to see Evan stepping up to me and I melted against him.

He pulled back and I thought I saw him glance down at the wet spot on his shirt left by my check, but he didn't actually say anything and for that I was grateful.

" What happened ? Are you okay ? " he asked, taking a piece of cloth from his pocket and wiping at my face. That was Evan, always prepared.

" I'm okay. I just had a run in with my brother. " I answered, then I squared my shoulders and forced a composure to my face that I wasn't feeling yet. " I'll be fine. "

" Good, " he smiled. " Because the alumni mixer is tonight and I'd hate for you to have red puffy eyes and look a mess. You will be attending on my arm, of course. "

I looked away, dismayed at his lack of concern over my distress, but I pushed it away. He was very busy lately, I told myself. He had a lot going on and this Mixer was one of the most important social events of the season for the Omega Chi's. " I'll be ready. "

He patted my shoulder and smiled down at me. " That's my girl. "

Then he turned and left me standing there, still feeling and looking like I'd just lost my best friend. I felt like someone had killed a box of puppies in front of me and there he was trotting happily on his way without a backward glance.

My first thought was of going to the Kappa Tau house. But that would be wrong in more ways than I could list.

But damn it, I wanted some comfort and sympathy. And it was like my mind and body both knew instinctively where to find it.

I wiped my face one last time and adjusted the books in my arms, before taking off for the library again.


	3. Chapter 3

My mind stayed with Rusty and his biting words all day. I wasn't able to get anything done and my paper was due in less than a week. I figured I wouldn't be able to work like I needed to until I got a few things straighten out. Well, two things actually. Cappie and Rusty.

It was time, well past time that I dealt with my Cappie issue once and for all. And as for Rusty, I wasn't sure why our fight was bothering me so much. We fight all the time. It shouldn't be anything to ruin my day, but it had and I needed to do something about it before it ruined my night as well.

Alumni dinner, after all, meant Evan's parents and they already had it out for me. I didn't plan on giving them any extra ammunition. The thought of having to deal with Mr. And Mrs. Chambers left me feeling worse than I had before. Especially since during their last visit they made it crystal clear that they didn't believe I was good enough for their precious son.

Tonight, I was going to prove them wrong. I had to be at the top of my game to do that.

So I was off to the Kappa Tau house, dressed in my best conservative, little black dress. My hair swept high in a tight bun. Pearls that Evan had given me around my neck, wrist and in my ears. I looked like I was heading for a congressional dinner. And considering how many politicians would be in attendance at the mixer, I guess I sort of was.

To be completely honest with myself, I hated these things. They were stuffy and awkward and uncomfortable and I always found myself wishing I was anywhere but there. But it was for Evan. I had to be there for him. He was counting on me. And I wasn't about to let him down.

Another thought occurred to me as I mounted the stairs to the Kappa Tau house. If I really hated these things so much, what the hell was I doing ? I had set my life up around a plan that involved having to endure nights just like tonight forever.

It was worth it, I told myself as I pushed the bell and waited, impatiently tapping a low heeled black shoe on the door mat. It was all worth it for Evan.

Heath was the one that opened the door. I didn't know him very well. I had seen him at the Omega Chi house a few times with Rusty's friend Cal and I nodded politely in recognition.

" I need to see Rusty. Is he here ? " I asked.

" I think I saw him out back with everyone else a little while ago. But I haven't seen him in a minute. "

He opened the door and allowed me inside.

I stormed through the amazingly clean house on a mission. My eyes darted from one occupied chair in the living room to another, searching for my brother's curly locks, or Cappie's messy ones.

As I moved closer to the back door I could hear loud music pratically vibrating the walls and I wondered why I haven't noticed it outside.

Opening the slidign door that lead to the backyard was like opening a window on an airplane. Music hit me in the face with a force that almost caused me to stumble, But I wouldn't be detered so easily. I pushed past several gyrating bodies on the makeshift dance floor as I spied my brother and his girlfriend of almost a year now.

" I want to talk to you. " I demanded, stepping up beside Jenn and giving her a smile before glaring back at Rusty.

" I'm kinda busy right now. " he replied coldly and went back to talking with a guy I didn't know.

" Rusty. I really need to talk to you. " I let my voice soften, hoping to lull him into a false sense of security. It didn't work. He still wasn't budging. But he did turn his head towards me.

" I think we said everything we needed to this afternoon. " he told me.

I felt like screaming and stomping my feet, giving a full flegde tamtrum, but that really wouldn't be befitting my new station in life, so I held back. " Fine, " I replied instead. " I guess this means the next time you need a loan or a favor, you'll be going somewhere else for it. After all, we have nothing to say to each other. "

I turned to walk away and wasn't surprised that I had barely made it inside before he caught up to me, shutting out the loudness from the room with the closing of the door.

" What do you want, Casey ? "

I smiled to myself and turned to him, fire flashing in my eyes. " I want to tell you that from now on, my love life is none of your concern. You have no business discussing it with me. Stay out of my affairs. "

He huffed and I think he actually did stomp his foot. " I would be glad to, if you kept your love life out of my life. But unfornately, I keep having to deal with your messes and I'm tired of cleaning up after you. "

" If you have chosen to adopt Cappie as your new BFF, that isn't my fault. Besides I'm here to see him, too. I want this done with, finally and completely. " I informed him.

He looked pretty horrified for a moment and it made me happy in a small vidictive part of my brain.

" Cappie isn't here. He's out. You'll have to talk to him tomorrow. " he said quickly. A little too quickly for my liking.

" Where the hell is he ? He never misses a party. "

" He's just out. It's none of your business where he is. " he spat. " You are removing him from your life after all, remember ? "

The door opened with another blast and I jerked my head around to see who was intruding. It was the one they call Beaver, very drunk and leaning heavily against the door jam.

" Hey, Spitter, " he slurred. " You gotta come tell everybody how you fixed the volcano last year. That story never gets old. "

Rusty nodded with a wide smile. " I'll be right there. "

Then he turned back to me. " Speaking of parties I have one to get back to and from the looks of it, you have one to get to as well. So goodnight. "

He left without another word or look at me.

Unfortunately, I didn't feel any better. First off, I hadn't gotten to properly yell at him the way I had intended. And second, he was just being way too mysterious about the whereabouts of my other prey this evening.

I glanced at my watch, saw I had plenty of time and decided to do a bit of recon.

No one was around to pay any attention as I went quietly up the stairs to the third floor of the house. It was a route I was all too familiar with. Let's just say, I had made the trip more than a few times before. Actually I probably could have found his door with my eyes closed and my hands behind my back.

The door was closed and I couldn't hear any sound from inside as I pressed my ear to the solid wood.

Turning the knob, I knocked lightly and waited a moment for a reply. When none came, I opened the door and stepped inside.

The only light was a small lamp sitting on the round table beside the bed, which was unmade and messy. Several articles of clothing lay haphazardly around the room, including a few pieces that were decidedly lacy and satin. I was pretty sure they didn't belong to the room's owner.

I spied the picture he had mention the morning before, sitting exactly where he said it was, by the lamp. It almost made me smile, knowing I was the last thing he saw before going to sleep at night.

" What are you doing here ? " A voice asked from behind me, causing me to spin towards the door and almost tangle my feet in a pair of jeans.

Cappie, clad only in a light blue towel wrapped low around his waist, reached out to steady me and I found myself wondering the same thing. What was I doing there ? I was so far into dangerous territory I couldn't even call for an airlift out.

His hair and shoulders were still dripping water from his recent shower and I could smell his soap and shampoo as he moved his hand from my wrist. I felt queasy, my stomach was flopping so rapidly. And the ability to form words deserted me.

" I... um.. " I stammered, knowing full well I sounded like an idiot, but helpless to do anything about it. I just couldn't get the words to come out.

" Are you okay ? " he asked, stepping closer. I could feel the rest of the blood draining from my face.

God ! I wanted so badly to run my hands down the hard plains of his chest. To lean over and lick the droplets of water from his shoulder where they clung to his skin.

The hand that reached out didn't even look like mine. It was like I was an observer of the scene playing out before me instead of a suddenly very active participant. I watched in horror as trembling fingers trailed down the line in the middle of his chest, from his collarbone to the edge of the towel. The hand moved so slowly it was like time had slowed to a crawl. Neither of us spoke. His eyes were intently staring at my hand.

When suddenly he tossed his head back and gave a sort of grunt, I was startled and I snatched my hand back quickly. Then I was crushed against him, the wet towel soaking into my dress, my hands tangling in the mess of his drenched hair.

He didn't just kiss me, he devoured me, like he was trying to crawl inside my mouth with both feet. His hands pulled at me, dragging me as close to him as he could get me, gripping me like a vise. His touch was like fire, so hot it almost burned me as his fingers moved down to the hem of my dress and brushed against my thigh, before digging into the flesh bruisingly.

Then just as suddenly, he flung me away from him almost violently. I was too stunned to undertand what had happened at first. One minute I was riding on waves of estacy, the next I was alone and so cold I was shivering.

" What the hell are you doing to me ? " He demanded in a voice that sounded completely foreign.

" I just came here to talk to you. " I managed after a moment of orienting myself.

" Why can't you just stay away from me ? " He turned from me and started to move around the room like a dangerous animal in a cage that was far too small for it. I couldn't help but fixate on the way his muscles rippled and flexed with every movement.

Focus, I screamed to myself, pinching the back of my hand hard enough to hurt to try and bring my mind back to where it needed to be. " I came here to tell you just that. " I told him.

" What ? To stay away from you. I'm trying. You just keep popping up every time I turn around. Every time I leave this damn house I find out. And now here you are in my room waiting on me. " The tone of his voice was harsher than I had ever heard it and I was beginning to get a little scared. As angry as he had ever been, I had never seen him like he was in that moment.

" You're absolutely right. " I conceded. " I shouldn't be here. "

He spun on me and the look in his eyes scared me even more. " I want you to listen to me, right now. " He said, quietly as he began to advance on me. " If you don't want me, fine, I can accept that. But I can't have you playing with me any longer. "

I gasped. " I'm not playing with you."

" Oh, really. " he smiled. " That isn't what you're doing. You keep me hanging by this little thread all the time. Dangling me on the tip of you perfect little fingernail. I can't get away from you. I can't get over you. Every time you feel your grip slipping, you came back around and toy with me again. Offering me just enough to keep me following after you. "

He was so close now I could smell him again and it was distracting me so badly I almost couldn't concentrate on his words. But his tone was so mean and cruel it brought tears to my eyes again.

" Don't you dare. " he warned. " Don't you dare start crying. "

I gulped in a breath of air and turned from him as the tears started to fall to my cheeks.

" Casey, Please. " his tone softened instantly and the hand that came to my shoulder wasn't cruel or harsh, it was warm and comforting and tender.

He turned me back to him and held me at arm's length. " You have to leave. Please, just go and don't come back here again. "

I couldn't believe I was hearing him say those words to me in such a mournful voice that it just caused more tears. His eyes were so strange, so unlike him that I almost didn't recognize him. Standing before was the sight of a heart breaking, it was happening right before my eyes. I didn't think I had ever seen anything sadder.

" I'm not going to stop and talk to you anymore. " he continued though I could see on his face that the words were like daggers grinding into his soul. " I'm asking you to do the same. Let's just stop this now. It's done. It's over. For both our sakes, let's just stay away from each other. "

I nodded solemnly and turned from him.

I thought the last time I walked down those stairs, the time I told him goodbye was the worse moment of my life. I was wrong. This time definitely topped that one.


	4. Chapter 4

I was pulling in air in ragged, panting breathes as I stood against the side of the house, hidden from view, trying to collect myself.

_What the hell had just happened ?_ I asked myself. I was confused and hurt and feeling like I had just lost my best friend. Was he right ? Was I keeping him holding on to me because I liked the idea of someone following around after me like that ? That didn't sound much like me, but lately, apparently I wasn't acting much like myself.

I took off running as best as I could in my shoes, taking myself as far away from that look in Cappie's eyes as I could. Somehow I knew I hadn't seen the last of that look, it would haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. And it hurt more to know that I had caused it. I was directly responsible for putting that look on his face.

How could I do that to someone I claimed to care about ? How could I cause him so much hurt and pain ? I hadn't done it deliberately, but at the moment that didn't make me feel any better.

I glanced down at my watch and saw that I was almost late for my date with Evan. Kicking my pace up to a higher speed, I took off. I needed to make sure I kept at least one relationship in my life in working order.

He was waiting for me when I came through the door, looking impatient and irritated. Oh, well, irritated was better than all out angry like everyone else was. He was wearing his best suit and his Omega Chi jacket, all buttoned up and perfect, not one brown hair out of place, not one speck on his jacket, not one mar on his flawless skin. I wished I could manage to be that flawless.

He turned to me with a look that made me wither a bit after the day's events but I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and set about making it all up to him.

" You're late. Where have you been ? " he demanded.

" I had to see Rusty. It took a little longer than I expected. " I explained.

" I'll bet it did. Who else did you happened to run into while slumming at the Kappa Tau house ? "

His accusation startled me. How could he possibly know what had just happened ? Was he some kind of psychic ? Was it written all over my face, some kind of sign that said, I just had a fight with Cappie ?

I shook off the paranoia and decided to play stupid. " No one. Just Rusty. I wanted to settle things with him after our fight this afternoon. "

Evan let out an exasperated breath and his shoulders slumped visibly. " Why is this bothering you so much ? You've fought with Rusty before. "

I still didn't know and I told him as much.

" Well is it settled ? Did you work it all out ? "

" No, he was in the middle of a party and didn't feel much like talking. " I answered.

He took my hand and kissed my cheek lightly. It did not escape me that my stomach didn't flop at his touch, my heart didn't race. " You look beautiful, by the way. Perfect, in fact. "

I smiled and laced my arms around his neck, " Thank you. You look perfect as well. "

" Do we make just make the perfect couple, then ? " he smiled.

I nodded and was a little disappointed when he simply pulled away and took my hand. Hell, he didn't even try to kiss me anymore. What did that say about us ?

I was too tired and emotionally drained to give it much thought in that moment. But I decided, Evan and I needed some serious alone time and soon. I was afraid it might already be too late to salvage what was left of the intimate part of relationship. But I wasn't willing to give up on it completely, not yet anyway.

The night dragged on with a mind numbing slowness that very nearly rendered me unconscious. I think I actually dozed off for a moment before Evan's elbow in my ribs brought me around, fortunately without anyone else noticing.

I made nice with his parents or attempted to, at least. It was very clear that their attitude towards me had not changed. They still didn't think I was good enough for their son.

Beautiful, tailored, stiff people whirled through my vision. Everyone was completely and utterly impeccable. It was very discouraging. I watched stately older men dancing primly with sophisticated older women. A couple of Tri-Pis had managed to get themselves dates and they were dressed as I was. They looked as out of place as I felt, too, which made me feel a bit better.

All in all in was an awkward, boring evening that left me feeling worse than I had when we arrived and that was saying something.

I could not get my fight with Cappie out of my head. I kept seeing him everywhere I turned, with that look. I had trouble deciding which look made me feel worse, the one when he looked like he hated me, or the one where he looked resigned and heartbroken, although I was leaning towards the later. Still having Cappie look at me like he never wanted to see me again was devastating. I couldn't stop thinking that I was throwing something away that I would regret losing for the rest of life.

Of course, it was what I wanted, I kept reminding myself. I went to his house to tell him exactly what he had told me. So why did it bother me so much that he beat me to it ? What difference did it make who actually said the words ? The important thing was that it was finally over.

Never again would he crop up out of nowhere and follow me around for hours. Never again would he show up at my favorite coffee spot and join me for a cup. Never again would he call me in the middle of the night to tell me about a movie that was on that he knew I loved.

Cappie was out of life at last. The idea suddenly hit me like an anvil dropping out of the sky in some old cartoon.

I left the room quickly, retreating from Evan's questioning gaze as I started to cry again.

I wasn't able to leave the ladies room for the rest of the evening. I just couldn't stop the tears. I had no control over them. Evan sent Frannie in to look for me at one point and I told her I couldn't go back out there.

Hell, it was after midnight and Evan's parents had long since retired for the evening. I had done my part. Now I needed to wallow in my misery for a while.

Frannie and Evan must have eventually become concerned enough that they called Ashleigh and she came to retrieve me from the bathroom and take me home. Evan apologized over and over for not being able to take me himself, but he was the president of Omega Chi and he couldn't leave before all the Alumni did.

Wrapped tightly in Ashleigh's jacket, I leaned against her heavily as we walked down Greek row, and felt like my life was over. I had never felt more dreadful. This was worse than losing him the first time. I guess maybe because the first time I never felt like it was totally done. This time it did.

Later, Ash tucked me into my bed after helping me change into something to sleep in, ( an event that caused more hysterical sobbing because the first thing she tried to put me in was an old shirt of Cappie's). She sat on the foot of my bed and looked at me sympathetically.

" What is going on Casey ? What happened ? " she asked finally after I didn't offer up an explanation for my behavior.

I shook my head. I couldn't form the thoughts that would lead to the words.

" Did you have a fight with Evan's parents ? Did they say something to you ? " She continued to prod and I realized she wasn't going to quit badgering me until I told her the whole story, so I did. I left out no detail as I related the events of my day, from my fight with Rusty to my gut retching discussion with Cappie. Her eyes widened when I told her about the kiss. The kiss I could still feel on my lips, even hours later. I imaged there might be fingerprints on my leg as well. God knows, I could still feel his hand there.

The rehashing just caused another fit. I felt like an emotional blob, like my nerve endings didn't have the benefit of skin to cover them anymore. I felt raw and vulnerable, hazardously exposed to the environment. Tiny needle pricks stung at my skin everywhere, and their bigger brothers, the daggers, plunged into my eyes every time I tried to blink. After a while I closed my eyes and stopped trying altogether.

Ashleigh was being very uncharacteristically quiet. She hadn't moved other than to come to the place beside me, put her arm around my shoulder and let me have at the crying fest. But she hadn't made a comment on the situation and I wondered why not.

I looked up at her to find her looking at me with tears in her own eyes. Empathy shined down on me and I was really touched by how deeply this whole thing seemed to have affected her.

" I'm so sorry, Casey. " she said after a moment of us simply staring at each other.

I came off her shoulder and sat up on my own. " Why are you sorry ? You didn't do anything. "

She shook her head and batted at her eyes, ridding them of the unshed wetness. " I was right there with Frannie and everyone else that talked you into dumping him. I feel responsible. I just didn't know. You never told me. "

" You didn't know what ? What are you talking about ? " I asked totally confused as I watched her intently.

" I didn't know you loved him. I thought you were just hanging out, having some fun together. If I had known how much you loved each other, I never would have been on Frannie's side. " She smiled weakly. " I'm sure my opinion wouldn't have mattered to the others but at least you would have known someone was on your side. "

I took her hand and squeezed it. " It's okay, Ash. I know you would have been there for me. "

A knock on the door interrupted our moment and Ashleigh answered it. She didn't say anything as she answered the door, she just opened it, saw who it was and left the room after letting him inside.

Evan was beside me before I realized he was there. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me against him, tighter than he had held me in longer than I could remember.

" What happened ? " he asked.

" It's nothing. " I shook my head into his chest. " I'm fine. "

My voice was muffled and hoarse, but he obviously understood what I said because he pulled away and retrieved the trusty cloth once again. He gingerly wiped my face with it and his look told me I looked exactly like I felt. " It doesn't look like nothing. Is this because of Rusty, still ? "

I shook my head. I hadn't thought about Rusty once all evening, in fact. My mind was occupied by much bigger matters, but they were matters I couldn't very well tell Evan about.

" Casey, Please. " his voice was weak and pleading and I could see the genuine concern in his eyes as he looked at me so intently. " Tell me what's wrong. "

I shook my head and buried it in his chest again. I couldn't tell him and I couldn't think clearly enough to make up a lie. I felt too bad. I just needed to feel him holding me.

Unfortunately, he wasn't letting it go that easily. " If you had words with my parents, then tell me and I'll talk to them. I won't let them put you through what they did last time they were here. "

I offered a teary smile. It was the best I could do at the moment. " You're parents were fine, Evan. Everything was fine. I'm just really stressed and tired, I guess. "

His eyebrow quirked in a questioning gaze. " Tired and stressed caused all this ? You're acting like someone died. "

Not someone, something, I amended in my own head, but I didn't correct him. " I really think I just want to go to bed, actually. I'm okay. " If he wasn't going to hold me, then I didn't want him there. I'd rather be alone.

" Really ? " He asked, surprised. " Because I'm here if you need to talk about things. "

" No, " I shook my head. " I don't want to talk. I just want to sleep. "

He kissed my forward and smoothed my hair gently. " Alright. If that's what you really want, then I'll see you tomorrow. I'll give you a call. "

I nodded. " Okay. "

He left the room, closing the door with a small thump.

I needed comfort and support. I decided to indulge myself in my guilty pleasure. I went to my computer.

_Tennyson1987, _

_Are you out there this evening, sitting in front of your computer thinking about me ? Because I'm thinking about you. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to reply to your last message. Life interrupted me. I just wanted you to know that after the day I've had, I reread your e-mails and found some comfort in your words. Thank you for being there for me, for helping me through a particularly dark spot in my life. It means more to me than I can tell you. _

_Casey _

Ashleigh came back at some point as I sat there reading my messages and I assured her that I was okay for the moment and was getting some class work done that I had neglected. She gave me a sympathetic smile and went to sleep.

The light of the computer screen was the only illumination in the room. I glanced at the clock in the corner of my screen and it informed me that it was almost two thirty in the morning. I was about to give up on getting a new message from my mystery man, when the small icon of an enveloped popped up, telling me that I had new mail.

I clicked on it quickly and couldn't help the smile as his words appeared in front of me.

_Love, _

_I got your message. I'm glad I could offer you some comfort. Are you still on line ? Would you like to talk ? You sound as if you could use a friend. _

_Tennyson1987_

My fingers flew across the keyboard. I couldn't believe how in tuned we were with one another. I was hoping that I could have a chance to talk to him. And here he was offering. It was like we were working on the same brain wave.

I gave him my user name on the messenger service and waited patiently for the IM box to pop up. It didn't take more than a minute.

Tennyson1987 : Are you there, love ?

LadybugZBZ: I'm here. Thank you for meeting me. I've wanted to talk to you for a while now.

Tennyson1987: I've wanted to talk to you as well. Are you okay ? You said you had a rather trying day.

LadybugZBZ : Not really. I just had an incredible fight with a man I really care about. I'm afraid I won't ever see him again. It feels a little weird to be talking to you about this actually.

Tennyson1987 : Why ? I want you to feel like you can talk to me. I want to know everything about you.

LadybugZBZ : You don't mind hearing about the men in my life ? I know you have an opinion about one of them, and I appreciate your advise, don't get me wrong. I just don't want to offend you by talking about all this.

Tennyson1987 : Nothing you say could possibly offend me. Please I want to hear. What happened that has you so upset ? Did you and Evan have a fight ?

LadybugZBZ : How do you know about Evan ?

Tennyson1987 : I know more about you than you think. But I'm not here to talk about me. Tell me about your day.

LadybugZBZ : It wasn't Evan. We are fine. I had a fight with my brother this morning that really upset me. If you know me so well, tell me this. Do you think I'm the type of person that goes around only concerned with myself, not caring about who I hurt ?

Tennyson1987 : What nonsense is this ? Of course I don't see you that way. Is that what Rusty said ?

LadybugZBZ : Ah, so you know my brother as well. Yes that's what he told me. He said other people see me that way, too. I hate to think that that is how other people see me. I'm not like that. I swear I'm not.

Tennyson1987 : You don't have to convince me. I know you're not. But why did he say it ?

LadybugZBZ : He said he thought I was using this other guy, someone I dated a while back. He's the one I had the fight with.

Tennyson1987 : The one you feel you may never see again ?

LadybugZBZ : Yes. He was my first, well, everything. I don't know how to survive without him in my life in at least some way. He's been there as long as I can remember.

Tennyson1987 : Is there a possibility of a reconciliation ?

LadybugZBZ : I don't think so. Not this time. And I'm not sure I have any business even trying. I have a boyfriend. I love Evan. I shouldn't want this other guy in my life.

Tennyson1987 : But our heart rarely accepts the things our head tells it. Even when he repeat ourselves over and over. And sometimes our heart is actually the thing that knows what we need and what we really want.

LadybugZBZ : I do not want Cappie. I just want things to be over between us. It's been over a year now. Why can't I get him out of my head ? Why is it that every time I feel like I'm finally over him, something happens to pull us back together ?

Tennyson1987 : Maybe it's the universe trying to tell you something. Maybe it's some cosmic sign. Or maybe it's the two of you on some unconscious level trying to keep each other in your lives. Maybe you really love each other.

LadybugZBZ : I did really love him once. But sometimes we outgrow the people we love. Sometimes, things just don't work out no matter how much you love each other.

Tennyson1987 : That's one school of thought on the matter. Another says, that love, real love is something you never get over and it can conquer anything. Some say love is the most grand pursuit of all. The meaning of all of this. Perhaps if a year has gone by and you still aren't over him, perhaps this is that kind of love.

LadybugZBZ : It can't be. Cappie is everything I don't want out of life. I have plans and goals and ambitions. He has none of those things. He doesn't fit with what I want.

Tennyson1987 : Maybe not, but our heart has a funny way of not caring what we want, but knowing what we need. How does he feel about you ? Has he moved on ? Is he over you ?

LadybugZBZ : He says he's not. He claims he loves me and he always has. He says he wants me with him.

Tennyson1987 : Do you believe him ? And more importantly what do you think it means that you can't picture your life without him in it ?

LadybugZBZ : I do believe him, and I know I love him. I always will. But Cappie is like carbs for me.

Tennyson1987 : I'm sorry, love. Like Carbs ?

LadybugZBZ : Yeah, I love carbs, pizza, bread, chips. I love all of them. But I know they are bad for me. So I don't eat them.

Tennyson1987 : LOL. What an interesting view you have on the world ! How do you know that he is bad for you, though ? How did you come to this realization ? Were you happy when you were together ?

LadybugZBZ : Happier than I have ever been. But I'm happy when I'm eating chips, that doesn't mean I can make them my main food group.

Tennyson1987 : Maybe the thing you need to discover is how you can make it okay to make chips your main food group. There is a way. Either you change or he does. Or maybe both of you. But if being apart is making you both so miserable, isn't changing worth it ?

LadybugZBZ : But all this is a useless discussion. I have Evan and he is everything I want. He's everything I need.

Tennyson1987 : But does he love you the way you deserve to be loved ?

LadybugZBZ : Yes, I believe that he does. And I love him.

Tennyson1987 : Okay, love. You keep telling yourself that. Maybe someday you'll make yourself believe it.

LadybugZBZ : I don't have to make myself believe it. I know it. And he knows he loves me. Why does everyone doubt that ?

Tennyson1987 : Because we can see things as they really are from the outside point of view. Sometimes being so close to a situation clouds are judgment so much that we can't see what's really there.

LadybugZBZ : Or maybe being an outsider makes it so that you can't see the whole picture. The entire view of things.

Tennyson1987 : Perhaps you are right, love. Maybe you and Evan are completely right for each other. Fated to be together forever. Is that how you feel about him ? Is he the part of you that makes you whole ? Does he complete you ?

LadybugZBZ : Evan and I aren't like that. We have a much more mature, stable kind of love.

Tennyson1987 : Mature ? Stable ? Are we talking about your love life or your horse ? How can you be happy with someone you refer to as mature and stable ? I mean it's great when your talking about your grandparent, but really, don't you want more ? Like I said before, you deserve more than an ordinary love and it sounds like you have one, you just don't think its what you want.

LadybugZBZ : It isn't that. It's just that I have priorities and my love life isn't necessarily on the top of the list.

Tennyson1987 : How is that possible ? Shouldn't love be the most important priority ?

LadybugZBZ : Spoken like a true romantic. No it isn't the most important thing. See I never had all the things my friends did growing up. We didn't have a lot of money and I watched my parents struggle to get by all the time. I don't want that kind of life for myself. I want more.

Tennyson1987 : So Evan is just a tool in achieving the more you want out of life ?

LadybugZBZ : I didn't say that. Evan isn't a tool.

Tennyson1987 : Are you sure ?

LadybugZBZ : You sound like Rusty now. I thought you said you didn't see me that way.

Tennyson1987 : I don't. I never will. I know better. But I think maybe you need to take some time and really think about Evan. I don't believe you are consciously using him, but something there doesn't sound right. Surely you can see it too. And ask your parents what they think. I bet if you asked them if they would have preferred to be apart and have money or together and not, they will tell you they are happy with not.

LadybugZBZ : I think I will ask them.

Tennyson1987 : I hope I've helped ease your mind a bit anyway.

LadybugZBZ : You have given me a lot to think about. I appreciate you listening. I do feel better.

Tennyson1987 : I need to log for tonight, love. Maybe we can talk again sometime.

LadybugZBZ : Absolutely. I'll look for you. Page me anytime.

Tennyson1987 : I will, why ladybug, by the way ?

LadybugZBZ : My father's nickname for me. Have a good night.

Tennyson1987 : Goodnight, love.

I sat in my darkened room staring at the blank computer screen for a long time. Every word he said made sense to me. He seemed to know exactly what to say. But a few of the things he pointed out really bothered me.

I went to sleep, replaying the conversation in my head over and over again. I really did have a lot of things to think about, but all of them could wait till the morning. I drifted off as soon as I laid down.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning brought on a headache the size of the campus and a feeling of guilt and self loathing that I couldn't shake. Ashleigh brought me coffee and a bagel. She handed them to me with a smile that said she understood what I was going through, but I didn't think she did.

I took them with a thanks and grabbed my phone which was chirping from my bedside table.

_Rusty, _the screen told me. I answered it and placed it against my ear with a sense of dread. Here it was, all the angst and drama starting once again, before I even had a chance to get out of bed.

" What is it, Russ ? " I asked with a terseness to my voice that said I wasn't in the mood for him yet this morning.

" I need to talk to you. Can you meet me in the quad in half an hour ? It's really important and it can't wait. " he asked without preamble, thankfully.

" I thought we didn't have anything else to say to each other. "

" Casey, please. Come on, I feel terrible about yesterday. I want to talk to you. "

" Okay, but give me an hour. I've had a rough night. I'm not even up yet. "

" Are you okay ? Did something happen at the Alumni mixer ? " He sounded genuinely concerned and it touched me that even though we were fighting at the moment, he still cared about the things happening in my life.

" No, it wasn't the mixer. I ran into Cappie. It was pretty bad. He hasn't said anything to you, has he ? "

" I haven't see Cappie since last night. Did you have a fight ? "

" Yeah, a really big, really bad one. "

" I'll see if he's okay, then. " He hesitated. " Are you okay ? "

Then I hesitated. If I told Rusty how bad I was feeling, Cappie was sure to find out. I wasn't sure I wanted him to have that information. " Yeah. I'm okay. I'll see you in an hour. "

I barely hung up when the damn phone started chirping again.

True to his word, it was Evan.

" Are you okay this morning ? Is everything back to normal ? " he asked, before I even said hello.

Normal, I wasn't even sure what that word meant anymore. What was normal ? Wasn't it by definition, the state of things going about in their usual way. If it was, then things were definitely normal, all screwed up.

" Yeah, " I answered, a bit weakly. " I'm fine, Evan. I'm sorry I had such a breakdown yesterday. But I'm good. "

" You don't sound like it. Have breakfast with me. "

" I'm not even out of bed yet. How about lunch instead ? "

" Okay. I'll come by later. I'm glad you're feeling better. "

" I'll you see later. "

I tossed the phone to the bed beside me and took a deep cleansing breath. I wasn't sure yet what to do about Evan, but I could guarantee I wasn't going to do it today.

I dressed slowly after a long shower, not really paying much attention to what I put on. I knew it was jeans and a red shirt. Beyond that I didn't have a clue.

I walked to the quad like the weight of the world had been dropped on my shoulders. My footsteps were steady and droning against the pavement. It was a depressing sound, a soundtrack for my mood. The sky seemed to get me, too. It was dark and cloudy and threatening rain any moment. And I was glad. I couldn't deal with bright and sunny at the moment.

I spotted Rusty and sat down beside him on the bench.

" What's up ? " I asked.

He cut his eyes towards me and gave me his best forced smile. " I'm sorry about everything yesterday. I know you aren't really trying to use Cappie. You aren't like that. I just hate that everything is so messed up. I wish you guys could get along. You're the two most important people in my life. "

I melted instantly. His eyes said he was being completely sincere. He reminded me of a child asking his parents not to get a divorce.

" Rusty, I'm really sorry you got dragged into the middle of all this. I know how much Cappie means to you and I'm glad he's there for you, but after last night, I just don't see us working anything out. " I explained as gently as possible.

He looked at the concrete below our feet as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. " If staying away from each other is what you feel you need to do to move on, then I can accept that. I just don't understand. "

I looked at him quizzically. " What don't you understand ? "

" I don't understand why, if this is so hard for both of you, you can't just work it out and get back together." he told me.

" Things aren't always so simple. Cappie and I just grew apart. It doesn't mean we don't love each other. We just can't be together. " I struggled to explain all this to a guy who didn't a clue about relationships.

" Is that right ? " I jumped as a new voice intruded on our conversation.

I turned quickly and felt the bottom dropping out of the sky as I faced Evan's eyes.

" Evan - " I began but he cut me off before I had a chance to say anything else. His eyes were cold and harsh, bottom less blue depths of anger.

" So you are still in love with him ? " he demanded. He crossed his arms over his chest.

My hand went instinctively to the letters, his letters that hung from my neck. " That isn't what I meant. You didn't hear the whole conversation. "

Rusty shifted uncomfortably and stood up. " I should be going. I'm sorry again Casey." He looked at Evan. " About everything. "

Then he was gone, disappearing like a shot around a corner, leaving me facing one really pissed off boyfriend.

" I heard enough of it apparently. " he spat, after glancing at Rusty's retreating back.

" No, you didn't. " I insisted. How the hell was I going to fix this one ?

" I heard very clearly you saying that you and Cappie love each other. Not loved, in the past tense, but love, as in currently. " he continued as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

I stood and went to him. I didn't know what to say. " Evan. Please listen to me. I don't love Cappie. I love you. Things between Cappie and I have been over for a long time now. "

He snorted and stared down at me standing against him, but he didn't attempt to touch me. I thought for a moment he was going to take a step back actually, but he didn't. " I find that a little harder to believe now, but then I always found that hard to believe. "

" Why is it so hard for you ? Haven't I proven how much I love you and want to be with you ? " I argued.

He stepped around me this time and turned his back to me. " I thought you had, but now I'm not so sure. " He spun towards me abruptly, startling me. " Is this why you were so upset last night ? "

I took an involuntary step back from him. What could I say ? Would he believe me if I lied to him ? I doubted it. " We had a fight last night. It was pretty bad. "

He turned again and started to pace. I was really getting worried now. " My God Casey, you were a mess last night. You don't look that much better today. How can you say you don't love him anymore when he still has this affect on you ? "

I had no idea. There was nothing I could say that was going to make this any better. He had every right to be angry. I was lying to him, I had been all along. I just didn't know it at the time.

He paced closer and stopped right in front of me, his wide frame blocking my view of everything but him. " I'm leaving to visit my parents this weekend. I want you to take this weekend and really think about what it is that you want, really want. You have a choice to make. You need to decide who you love. Because if there is anything there between you and Cappie, however small or residual, I want to know. You owe me the truth. Figure out what it is and I'll see you Monday. "

He walked away without a look back at me, his strides long and resounding.

I sank back down onto the bench and tried to hold back even more tears. I thought last night I had cried them all out, but apparently I still had plenty. Hell, I was getting confused about who the tears belonged to anymore.

Everything was such a mess.

Humph, I chuckled to myself, it must be a day of the week that ends in y.

With sad, shuffling steps I returned to the house and walked head on into a disaster zone. People were running around like something was on fire and everyone was talking at once. I spotted Ashleigh talking animatedly to a girl I just meet the week before. One of the pledges, I think her name was Angela. I don't really remember.

I went to Ash and tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention.

" What is going on ? " I asked when she turned to me.

" Frannie's gone. She left school. Everything is a complete mess. The dean of students is raising hell wanting to know what is going on. National keeps calling about things that haven't been done. They're talking about sending a representative if we can't get ourselves together. " she explained in one huge breath.

My mind spun out of control. Fran was gone. She had apparently left the house in a state of utter disorder and now my life was complete. Everything was falling apart.


	6. Chapter 6

I should have been happier than I had been in a long time. I had the one thing I had been working towards since I joined the ZBZ's. President. Acting President, but president all the same. I was to head up the Cyrus Rhodes chapter of the Zeta Beta Zeta sorority until an official election could be held.

Like I said, I should be happy. But sitting at my very cluttered desk, in my new room, the one with the balcony that I had always wanted, I felt like I was drowning. Fran had indeed left a mess. A mess that I had two days to work out before the representative from national, someone called Cyndi Matthews, showed up at my door wanting answers.

The stack of papers I was raking through were making my head ache and I suddenly had a sobering image of all the responsibility that rested on Fran's somewhat shallow shoulders. How had she managed to screw things up so royally ?

I was working through the receipts that were supposed to account for all the members fees for the last month. Something told me that when Ms. Matthews arrived she would not be thrilled to hear that Fran had a part of our budget set aside for the ' President's Wardrobe'. I had receipts for shoes and make up and a new suede skirt that, while I'm sure was adorable, wasn't supposed to be purchased with the house's money.

Then there was the other pile of papers, the ones marked with lots of colorful red ink, blaring words at me like ' last notice ' and ' past due'. That was the pile that truly had me worried. The electric company was not going to care whether or not our president had miss used funds. All they were going to be concerned about was whether I could pay them or not and at the moment I was beginning to lean more towards the negative.

Maybe I could make an adventure out of it. We could light a fire in the fireplace and roast marshmallows and sing camp songs all night after the lights got turned off.

The thought made me realize exactly how crazy I was making myself and I stood up and began to pace around the spacious room. I still wasn't completely moved in. It was the least of my worries at the moment. I had everything I needed for the time being, my night clothes, my teddy bear, my toothbrush and my computer. Everything else would get here eventually.

Still it made the room seem so empty, cold and impersonal. I wished there were two beds suddenly. I had no idea how I was going to sleep without Ashleigh in the room with me. She had been my roommate for the last two years. I wasn't used to sleeping alone, I hadn't done it since high school.

I hadn't heard a word from Evan since our fight in the quad and that was really bothering me. I really needed him at the moment and of course he was no where to be found. The only time I had seen him was when I was inducted to the Greek Council two days before. He wasn't the only one at that particular meeting.

I felt Cappie watching me through the entire meeting. But it felt different. I didn't feel like I was being undressed from afar. I felt more like I was being studied, like I was under a microscope. It was unnerving and strange coming from him. I wasn't sure what that was about.

A knocking at the door brought my attention back to the present and I answered it quickly.

Ashleigh blew inside followed by her new little sis, Angela, I found out that was indeed her name.

" We have a major crisis brewing. " Ashleigh told me as she made herself comfortable on the foot of my bed.

" What now ? " I demanded as I sat down hard in my desk chair and let my shoulders slump with the weight that was pushing on them.

" We have an event coming up, the dance contest. Its a tradition. We do it every year and everyone on campus is looking forward to it. " she explained.

I nodded. I was well aware of the upcoming contest. " And..."

" And, " she sighed. " We don't have any of our paperwork in for the contest. None of our event request forms, or noise permits... nothing. "

I looked at her like she was insane. The contest was planned for the end of the next week. I couldn't believe that Fran hadn't gotten any of the forms filled out, none of the plans made.

" Are you telling me that we have nothing done for the contest ? " I asked, looking wide eyed in disbelief.

" Nothing. No food, no music, no request forms, no permits, no theme. We have no plans of any sort for the upcoming social event of the semester, besides the Mount Vesuvius party that is. " She explained.

" Oh my God. " I breathed. " I haven't even read the chapters in the book that cover everything we need in order to host an event but I know its a huge chapter. There are all kinds of permits and request forms I haven't even heard of that have to be filed before the party. "

" Well, I don't know what we need. " Ashleigh sighed. " I just know we don't have what we need. "

Angela shifted from leaning against the doorway where she had been standing this entire time silently and obtrusive. But finally she spoke up. " Aren't you friends with any of the other Greek presidents. Couldn't they maybe help you out ? "

I thought about that for a moment. Danielle Jackson, the Tri Pi president surely wouldn't help. They hated us and would love it if our event didn't go well. Evan and I weren't speaking.

" Maybe " Ashleigh perked up brightly. " What you need is someone who is a professional at putting together parties. "

I shook my head vehemently. " No way, Ash. " I said. I knew exactly what she was thinking. " You have no idea how badly things went to other night. I am not asking him for a favor. He told me to leave him alone. And that is exactly what I'm going to do. "

Ashleigh shrugged and stood, heading for the door. " Okay, I just wonder how it's going to look when you aren't able to put together your first event as president. "

I sighed heavily and glanced at the phone sitting on the corner of my desk. " Ashleigh, I can't. "

But she and her follower were already gone, shutting the door behind them.

I stared at the phone like I was expecting it to jump up and do a little dance any second. There was no way I could call him and ask him for help. At the moment, I couldn't afford to be seen with him, rather less have him helping me plan something like this. If word got out, I would never be the permanent president of the sorority.

I grabbed the phone and decided to go a different, all be it, just as difficult, route.

Punching the number, I only waited for it to ring once before Evan answered.

" Hi, Casey. What do you need ? " His tone was brisk and cold, very unwelcoming indeed.

" I just wanted to talk to you. " I lied. " Why do you assume I need anything ? "

" Because amazingly, I haven't talked to you since your election. I just figured you got what you needed from me. You got your presidency. You wouldn't be calling me if you didn't need something. "

I was hurt and shocked. What the hell was I doing to make everyone in the world think so badly of me.

Pretending, I answered myself without hesitating. I was pretending to be everything that I wasn't and up until now, I believed no one had seen through my facade. Apparently I was completely wrong.

" That isn't what happened, Evan. I've just been very busy. " I explained.

" Really ? " he asked. " With who ? "

Again I was shocked. " With the house. You have no idea what a mess Fran left here. I'm drowning. I don't know what I'm doing. "

His laugh was testy and sardonic. " So you need my help after all. Of course you need me. I knew it all along. "

" Evan, it isn't like that. " I protested, but deep down I knew it was a lie. Truthfully, I hadn't thought about Evan since this whole disaster began. He had every reason to hate me.

" It is exactly like that, Casey, and I can't do this anymore. I'm done. Call someone else to be your hero. I'm hanging up my armor. Good luck with the Sorority. Good luck with everything. "

He disconnected before I even had a chance to argue.

He was right. I was a miserable excuse for a human. I did everything wrong and everything fell apart because of it. It seemed the harder I tried to hold everything together the more fucked up it got. That's right, fucked up. I was always told that proper ladies didn't speak like that, but there wasn't any other term that applied so well and I was tired of being a proper lady.

In that moment, more than anything else I wanted to drink beer until I puked, danced until my feet hurt, watch '300' for the three hundredth time. I wanted to scream obscenities off that cliff. I wanted to eat pie in bed.

I wanted Cappie.

No, scratch that, I needed Cappie. For the first time in longer than I could remember, I really felt like I needed him. Not the other way around.

I grabbed my phone and pushed the button I needed to push in order to fulfill a promise I made before everything went to hell. I called my parents.

" Mom, It's me. " I said as soon as I heard her reassuring voice on the other end.

" Hi, Sweetie. How have you been ? We just talked to Rusty. He said things were pretty messy for you right now. "

" Yeah, that's putting it pretty mildly. " I sighed. Then shook myself. " Can I ask you something ? "

" Sure, Honey. What do you need ? " she answered automatically.

" I don't need anything except an answer. " I assured her, wanting her to know I wasn't calling for a favor or money.

" Okay, I'll do my best. " I could hear her warm smile through the phone and it made me want to hang up and make the ten hour drive home, just so I could see it in person.

" Are you and Daddy happy ? " I asked, without preamble.

" Of course we are. What kind of question is that ? Have we ever appeared like we weren't ? "

" It's just that... " I let my voice trail off while I tried to put the words together correctly. I didn't want to offend her by explaining it wrong. " I've watched you struggle financially my entire life. If you had a choice of not being with Daddy, but having all the money you would ever need, would you take Daddy or the money ? "

She was quiet for a moment and I really thought she was thinking about her choices. I was a little surprised by that. I wasn't really expecting her to think about it.

But when she spoke again, it calmed all my fears. " Casey, is that how you see your childhood ? Like we were struggling for everything we had ? "

" No, I know we had what we needed, Mom. I just know we couldn't have everything we wanted. " I answered.

" Honey, I promise you without a doubt in my mind, I would never have changed anything about the life I choose for myself. I am extremely proud of my life in fact. "

I felt a rush of relief I didn't know how to explain. " So you'd choose Daddy and no money. " I confirmed.

" I'd choose exactly what I have, a wonderful, fulfilling marriage that makes me happy just thinking about it, two children I couldn't be prouder of and the security of knowing I have everything I need. But Casey, Honey, You're father and I are everything we need. "

" What ? " I asked, confused.

" I mean, as long as we have you kids and each other, we don't need anything else. I personally feel better knowing that you didn't have everything you wanted growing up. It means you appreciated the things you got. I know that you and Rusty never took anything for granted. And that made it much more special than if it had been handed to you on a silver platter. "

She paused before continuing. " What is this all about ? "

" I just had a decision to make and I think you helped me make it. I just hope I'm not too late. " I answered.

" Too late for what ? Are you and Evan having problems ? " She sounded concerned now.

" We broke up, Mom. It's over. " It surprised me that my only involuntary emotional response to that statement was to finger the chain around my neck that still carried his letters.

Last time I called to tell her something like that, I thought she was going to drive to my room so she could make it better. I was a wreck. Of course, then I was telling her that I broke up with someone I really loved.

" Are you okay ? You sound okay. " she asked.

" I'm fine, Mom. I'm really fine. I think it's been over for a while now. I just didn't realize it. Actually he broke up with me, to tell the truth. "

" What happened ? "

" He overheard a conversation I had with Rusty. " I told her vaguely.

" I'm a little shocked, honestly. I was half expecting you to tell me you were engaged. What could you have said to Rusty to make him break it off ? " she asked.

I took a deep breath and plunged ahead. My parents weren't huge Cappie fans. They didn't hate him, they just thought he lacked a bit of vision. I was hoping she wouldn't be too disappointed in my choice.

" I told Rusty that Cappie and I loved each other and Evan overheard me. "

" And do you ? " she asked quietly.

" I do, Mom. I love him. I never stopped. I have done my best to get over him, to make this feeling go away, but it won't. I can't make it stop. " I was crying now and I batted at my eyes uselessly.

She didn't say anything for a long while. I was afraid I had really made her angry.

" You know, " she began finally. " My parents didn't like your father at first. They said I could do better. Told me he didn't have any ambition. "

I braced myself for the lecture that I sensed was coming. The last thing I wanted at the moment was to hear about all of Cappie's short comings.

" I insisted they were wrong. I told them I loved your father and I had to do what I had to do. Well, I guess you know how that turned out. " She was smiling again. I could hear it. " So if you really love him, I mean really love him. If he is what you want and what you need to have everything, then I'm happy for you. "

I felt like my heart was bursting. I let out a loud breath I hadn't realized I was holding. " Thank you, Mom. I needed to hear that. "

" Now, tell me why you think you might be too late. "

" We had a fight. He said he didn't want to see me anymore. " I answered and I was crying harder now.

" Well, Honey, I'm sure you can talk to him. If he loves you like you love him, it will all work out. "

" I hope so. That fight was so... " I searched for the word. " Final. "

" I thought you said that nothing had ever been final where he was concerned. " she answered. " Talk to him. You'll make him see. "

" I will. " I promised. " Thank you, Mom. I know you were hoping for great things with Evan. "

" I was hoping for you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you and Rusty both. Now, get off the phone with me and make yourself that way. "

I hung up with a quick I love you and dialed Rusty's phone. I wanted to feel everything out first before heading into something I wasn't sure about.

Rusty answer's was a bit too slurred and relaxed for him to be sober, so I knew he was at the house. Either that or at Doppler's.

"It's me. " I said.

" I know, Your name lights up all pretty when you call. What's up ? How is everything, Madam President ? "

I winced at the title. " Everything is all messed up. I actually need a favor. "

I could hear music in the background and a certain amount of glass clanging. And every once in a while I thought I heard a voice that made my stomach flop. I was a bit jealous that Rusty got to sit at his house with him, talk to him, even just be close to him.

" What is it ? How can I help ? " he asked.

" It isn't you I need the favor from, " I paused for dramatic effect. " It's Cappie. "

The phone went silent and I thought he had hung up on me. A few minutes later he came back and it was suddenly much quieter. " No, " he answered in a firm voice that left no room for argument.

I was a little dismayed by his reaction.

" What ? "

" I said, no. You said that the only way for both of you to move on was to stay away from each other and I agree. You need to stay away. He's better now. He's moving on and things need to stay that way. I can't let you come around and screw it up for him. "

Whoa ! My mind screamed. What the hell did that mean, moving on ? Was he seeing someone ? Was he over me so completely that it showed on his face ? Was I really too late ?

" What do you mean he's moving on ? " I asked, in a voice I didn't recognize as my own.

" He's seeing someone and he's happy about it. Leave this alone. " he insisted.

" Who ? " my voice was weak and fragile now and I hated it.

" Danielle Jackson. " he answered.

My blind went completely numb. I was having a bit of trouble focusing on what Rusty was saying. I could tell that he was explaining exactly who Danielle Jackson was, like I didn't already know, but I couldn't concentrate on the words.

" I need his help, Rusty. " I said finally. " If he's moved on, then great. That's wonderful. But I have no idea what I'm doing here with the sorority and he knows about this stuff. Can you just ask him for me, if he's so happy with Danielle, " I couldn't keep the bitter tone out of my voice at saying her name. I'm sure he heard it. " then it won't matter, right ? "

" Why don't you just ask Evan for help ? He is the president of his Fraternity, too. He knows everything Cappie does. Probably more. " he suggested.

" Evan and I broke up. He isn't talking to me. I have an event coming up in two weeks and I have no plans for it. Its a campus tradition. If this thing fails, they will never elect me president permanently. "

I could hear him thinking over the phone. Finally, he said, " I'll let him know what's going on, if he chooses, he'll call you. If not, you're on your own. Don't push it. "

I agreed and thanked him quickly.

Then I settled back to wait for the phone to ring. Just knowing that the next person that called might be Cappie made my heartbeat faster.

It wasn't over and I was going to use every resource in my 'Cappie' arsenal to prove it to him.


	7. Chapter 7

Two hours later I was still staring at the phone, laying on my bedside table, taunting me with its silence. My kept thoughts kept going back and forth like a boomerang. He's going to call, he's not going to call. I felt like I was playing that game with the flower, he loves me, loves me not.

No, actually I felt like I was down to the last petal and it was a ' he loves me not'. My faith in him was failing as the minutes pasted at a snails pace.

I grabbed my book of rules and regulations and set about trying to figure out how to do it all on my own.

Apparently, the phone was like a pot of water. It doesn't boil if you stared at it. My phone didn't ring until I stopped looking at it. But I grabbed it the second it made a noise, not caring how desperate I might seem. Let's face it, I was desperate. This was my first stab at not trying to be something I wasn't. So I answered it on the first ring, not bothering to look to see who was calling. It had to be him. It just had to be.

" Hello, " I said into the mouthpiece a bit breathlessly from my frantic phone grabbing.

" Hey, Rusty told me what was up. " His voice was like chocolate ice cream coming through the line.

" I really need you, Cappie. I have no idea what I'm doing. " I answered.

" Is that the only reason you wanted to talk to me ? " he asked after a moments hesitation.

I wasn't quite ready to admit my other reason for calling, so I decided to play it cool for the time being and scope out my competition. " Of course it is. Why else would I call ? "

He sounded relieved when he spoke again. " Okay, I was just making sure. I know we said a no contact thing going but seeing as this is an emergency of the partying nature, where can I meet you ? "

I sighed in relief and couldn't keep the smile off my face. " Can I come there ? You probably have everything I need laying around. "

" Yeah, that sounds fine. I'll see you in a few. " he agreed.

" Give me thirty minutes. I have a few things I need to take care of here first. "

" Okay, I'll be here all night. See you when you get here. "

I said okay and hung up.

Then I called for Ashleigh. I needed reinforcements.

After a quick shower and a patented Ashleigh make up job, she swept my hair back and secured it with a clip, leaving the back down and a few tendrils around my face. She managed to make my lashes look like they were miles long, my eyes were smoky and my lips full and red. All in all, it made a pretty nice package.

Then we moved on to wardrobe choices. Between the two of us and her little sis, Angela again, we had many, many options. We finally decided on a brand new pair of low rise jeans, a soft pink cashmere shell and covered it with an off the shoulder white cashmere sweater that fit perfectly, accentuating my breasts and narrow waist. Ash loaned me her black boots with the three inch heels and I throw a black leather jacket on to fight off the chill.

I believed that I looked more amazing than I had in a really long time. I purposely left off Evan's letters and chose instead a diamond pendant and diamond stud earrings.

I grabbed my rules and regulation book on my way out the door.

The walk down Greek row was a long one. Several people nodded and waved as I past them. Most of them were people I knew. A cool October wind blew through the campus, kicking up red and gold leaves and bringing with it a coolness that made me shiver.

I tugged the jacket a bit tighter and quickened my pace.

Standing on the porch of the Kappa Tau house I fought off a sudden case of nerves. What if Danielle was still there ? What if she was joining us for our crisis management session ? What if I couldn't keep myself focused on what I was here in the first place ? I did not want to screw this event up. It would be disastrous for me.

Wade answered the door. His dark Asian eyes squinting at me as he tried to figure out who I was and why I was on his doorstep.

Then finally he recognized me through his stupor and called to Rusty over his shoulder. " Spitter, your sister is here. "

" I'm not here to see Rusty. " I told him.

" Then what can I do for you ? " he turned back to me, clearly surprised but too drunk to really acknowledge it.

" Cappie is expecting me. " I answered.

Just as the words were out of my mouth, the object of my thoughts appeared behind him and opened the door for me.

" I've got it, Buddy. " He told him. Wade was still staring at me wide eyed in disbelief. Then he looked back at Cappie. " Does this mean you're gonna start cleaning again ? "

Cappie gave him a shove towards the living room and ignored his question. " We have got to get a better doorman. " he smirked at me. " You just can't find good help these days. "

I smiled brightly and let him lead me upstairs. " So Frannie left you all in a bit of a spot, I take it. "

" You don't know the half of it. " I stumbled as I realized he wasn't leading me to the room he used as an office, he was taking me to the next floor, the one that held his bedroom.

My hands started shaking. I wasn't sure I was ready to go there again. Images of the last time I was there flooded my brain. Cappie in a towel with water still dripping from his perfect, chiseled shoulders, his wet hair sending a droplet down the middle of his sculpted chest, making me unable to resist touching him.

I shook my head, trying to refocus my thoughts on what he was saying. He threw a glance over his shoulder as if he was expecting a response from me.

I had no idea what he had just said and I told him as much.

He gave me one of his knowing smiles. " Daydreaming ? "

" Maybe. " I responded vaguely.

" Care to share what you were thinking about ? " He asked, as he went into his room and he shut the door behind us.

I nodded and gave him a shy smile.

He cleared his throat quickly and turned to his desk. " So you need to get everything set up for the Dance contest. "

" I have nothing ready. " I admitted. " I don't even know what I need to get ready. "

He smiled easily and offered me a chair, which I took gratefully, as my knees had turned to jelly since the image in the hallway.

" It's not a problem. " he said. " I mean, you aren't leaving much margin for error but you should still be able to get all your paperwork and everything together. You just need to get it all filed Monday morning first thing. "

He leaned over me, pulling several papers out from several piles laying haphazardly on the desk. I was instantly assaulted by his aftershave and the familiar smell threw me back two years in time, to a place where I was happy and secure and safe.

I fought against the urge to touch him again. I didn't want another episode like last time.

"So, Rusty tells me you're seeing Danielle Jackson. How is that going ? " I asked casually.

" Huh ? " he answered distractedly as he leafed through a stack of papers. " Oh, it's going okay I guess. She's a nice girl. "

" Yeah, like the hair dye. " I muttered under my breath. Nice and Easy.

" What ? " he asked.

" Nothing. I'm glad everything is working out for you. " I smiled sweetly.

He looked at me then, hard, the way he used to and it sent goose bumps over my skin.

" I don't believe you. " he answered.

" Why wouldn't I be happy for you ? "

" I don't know. But your eyes are crinkling around the edges like they do when you're lying. "

I opened my eyes as wide as I could. " My eyes are not crinkling. I am happy for you. "

He shrugged still not believing me. " If you say so. " he muttered. " I heard about you and Evan. " He looked back at me and his eyes were sincere when he caught mine. " I'm really sorry. I know what you went through to keep that whole thing going. I'm sorry it didn't work out. "

I gave him a genuine smile and plucked up the courage to touch his hand. " Thank you. I really appreciate that. "

" Yeah, Rusty said you broke up. He didn't say why. Do you want to talk about it ? " He asked, settling in a chair beside me.

I felt a shock of electricity when his leg brushed mine, even through the two layers of denim that separated us.

" Think it's been coming for a long time actually. I just didn't see it. I guess I really never got over the thing with Rebbecca. " I explained, trying to keep my voice as casual as I could manage with his leg touching mine. Evan was the last thing I wanted to talk about at the moment. Hell, it was the last thing on my mind. But I let him pull the conversation where ever he wanted. Maybe he was leading up to something.

" I could have told you that three months ago. " He chuckled. " You just don't get over something like that unless your relationship is made of much stronger stuff. "

" I guess you were right all along. We were never right for each other. " I gave him the sweet innocent smile that always won me favors back in the day.

This time it didn't seem to faze him and that had me worried.

" I think this might be good for you. " He patted my shoulder. " Being on your own for a while. Seeing how it feels to stand by yourself. "

I tried to keep the shock from my face. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted to stand by him, but suddenly I was terrified of letting him know that. He didn't want to hear it now. Maybe we really was over me. Maybe this thing with Danielle was more serious than I thought. How could this be happening ? He chased after me for two years and now that I was ready for him, he didn't want me anymore.

" Is there something wrong ? " he asked, leaning closer, concerned. " You're really really pale. "

" No, I'm good. " I shook off the thoughts racing through my head. I had to focus. " Could I have a beer, maybe ? I could really use a drink. "

He stood immediately and left the room with a "Sure, " tossed over his shoulder.

He wasn't gone two minutes before there was a knocking on the door. I answered it numbly. I couldn't will my muscles to move like they were supposed to.

" What ? " I asked my brother as I let him inside.

" I just wanted to see how you were. Are you okay ? " He sat down on the foot of the bed like it was a routine thing. I figured he probably sat there a lot.

" I'm okay. I'm just incredibly stressed out right now. " I mumbled, brushing my bangs out of my face.

He hesitated and shifted nervously. " You didn't freak out too badly about the letters thing, then? "

I spun towards him and leveled him with a steely gaze. " What letters thing ? What are you talking about ? "

" Oh. " he looked at the floor. " I guess you don't know yet. "

" Don't know what yet ? Rusty, what are you talking about ? " I demanded.

" Cappie is thinking about giving Danielle his letters. He was talking about it earlier. I thought he told you. " He explained in a rush of words I barely heard over the ringing in my ears.

I sat down heavily in the office chair and it rolled with me a few inches. Looking around the room, I noticed for the first time that it was clean. She must've been responsible for that. Cappie wouldn't do that on his own. There was a time when I was the one that kept the room clean. But then I almost felt like it was our room. Now it was theirs.

I suddenly couldn't breath. My lungs simply would not expand. I tried to draw in air but my body wouldn't cooperate. My checks were wet and I couldn't figure out why. My mind wasn't working, even on the basic level I needed it to in order to survive. I couldn't breath, couldn't blink. I couldn't make out whatever Rusty was saying. I only knew that he was kneeling in front of me, talking very loudly. He looked panicked and I tried to tell him I was fine, but I just couldn't.

The world was spinning around me so fast I couldn't make out anything. All I knew was that my thoughts kept screaming at me that I was in their room. Her room. Then my eyes landed on a small stuffed elephant on the side of the perfectly made bed and a pink nightie beside it and that was the last thing I saw.

Everything shut down. My chest burned with lack of air. My eyes unfocused with a new barge of tears and my heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to escape my chest. Then everything was gone. All that was there now was blissful nothingness.

I woke up a few hours later with an I.V. In my hand and a pounding headache.

My first conscious thought was the same as my last. Cappie was hers now. Not mine, hers. Then my surroundings started to come into focus.

I was in a hospital bed. The small television in the corner chattered away about some useless product no one really needed. I was wearing a hospital gown, its rough material scratched my skin, irritating me even more.

Then I caught movement in the chair in the corner of the room and turned my head as quickly as I could. Rusty was sitting quietly with a book propped on his lap, staring at me. Ashleigh was sitting beside him and her eyes brighten as she saw I was awake.

" What the hell happened ? " I asked, groggily. " I feel like I got hit by a truck. "

" You passed out. " Rusty jumped up and came to sit on the side of the bed. I could see the worry on his face as his brown eyes looked me over. He had Dad's eyes. I thought randomly. I'd never noticed it before.

" I passed out ? " I tried to shake my head, but it didn't happen. " I don't pass out. "

" Well, you did and I am very much not pleased with you right now. " Ashleigh weighed in as she took the opposite side of the bed.

" Why, What did I do ? "

The door opened as I asked and Cappie came in balancing three cups of coffee in his hands. He handed them off to Ashleigh and Rusty, keeping one for himself. His eyes were haggard and there were huge bags under them. His skin was pale and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

" When was the last time you had anything to eat or drink, Casey ? " He asked me in a voice that held no amusement.

" What ? " I asked, completely confused.

He repeated himself as Ashleigh moved back to the chair. He didn't take her place. Instead he stood at the side of my bed, with his arms crossed over his chest and a look that said he was not playing around. I had never seen him look at me like that. He was angry and disappointed and under all that really scared.

I thought about his question. In all honesty, I had no idea. Oh wait, I had a bagel and coffee two mornings ago and I told him that.

" Two mornings ago, " he demanded. " You had a bagel and some coffee two mornings ago and nothing since ? "

" I've been really busy. " I offered lamely, knowing it sounded stupid and inadequate as it left my mouth.

He turned to Rusty and Ashleigh and nodded. " Can I talk to her alone for a minute, Guys ? "

They returned his nod and left, giving me a pat on their way out. Rusty looked like he wanted to save me. Ashleigh looked like she couldn't escape fast enough._ Trader_, I thought silently.

" What are you doing ? " Cappie fumed the moment the door closed behind them. " What the hell do you think you're doing ? I don't care how messed up everything is with your precious Sorority, you have to take care of yourself. This is ridiculous. What are you doing now, trying for a sympathy vote for President ? "

I shrank away from his booming voice and stared at the ground under his feet.

" Casey, " he said, stepping closer. When I didn't answer, he repeated it. " Casey, "

I finally looked up with tears falling down my checks in twin rivers of self hatred. " I'm sorry. " I mumbled around the lump in my throat that I couldn't seem to swallow.

I didn't want him mad at me. I was so tired of everyone being mad at me. If they weren't mad, they were judging and it they weren't judging or mad, they wanted something from me. I had just had enough. I couldn't take anymore. My shoulders felt like they were breaking as the weight of everything that had happened in the last few days pushed on them, unrelenting and painful.

I threw myself against the pillow and sobbed harder than I had ever sobbed before.

" Oh, God ! " he heard him exclaim. Then he was beside me, pulling me into his arms and holding me against him so tightly I almost couldn't breath. " God, Casey, baby. I'm sorry. " He said as he stroked my hair and rocked me softly. " You just scared me so bad. I came back and you were on the floor. We couldn't get you to wake up. I was so scared. "

He continued to hold me and rock for what seemed like hours. His grip on my shoulders never wavered and I was grateful. I needed to be as close to him as I possibly could in that moment. He like my anchor to reality and I clung to him desperately. I couldn't stop crying. Every time I thought I had it under control, he would whisper something sweet into my hair and I would start all over again, because I knew it was only temporary. He didn't belong to me any more. He was simply on loan. And I couldn't stand that thought.

The door opened and he gave me a nudge as his hands loosened around me. I looked up at a middle aged man in a white coat with glasses resting on the tip of his nose. I almost laughed at the typical picture he presented.

" My name is Dr. Woods, Casey. " he introduced himself. " How are you feeling ? "

" I'm better. " I answered with a weak smile.

" I think perhaps we should talk for a minute. " He pulled a stool to the side of the bed and Cappie moved over to the chair in the corner, but I refused to let his hand go. It was an awkward position but that was tough. I couldn't lose contact with him completely. I was too scared.

" First off, " Dr. Woods began, in a solemn voice. " You were severely dehydrated when you came. We gave you some I.V. Fluids so you should be okay now. "

I smiled gratefully, but it faded as he continued. " I'm more concerned with the reason for the dehydration. " he said. " A lot of girls your age are trying some pretty life threatening things. "

He leveled me with a stern gaze and I squeezed Cappie's hand involuntarily. I was thrilled to feel him squeeze back.

" Have you been doing anything I should know about ? " he asked.

I looked back at him blankly. Did he think I was on drugs ? " No, I don't do any type of drugs. "

" I wasn't really referring to drugs. " He answered, then glanced to Cappie. " Maybe you'd be more comfortable if we talked alone ? "

I balked at the suggestion and held to Cappie tighter. " I have no idea what you are talking about, but he isn't leaving. " I insisted.

" Okay, " he agreed with his hands out in front of him in defeat. " A lot of girls you age feel like they need to take pretty drastic measures in order to stay a certain size or fit into a certain mold that maybe doesn't fit them. "

He was using nice words but I knew what he was getting at. " I do not have an eating disorder ! " I erupted.

Cappie laughed and both of us turned towards him. " I'm sorry, " he apologized. " But I can vouch for that. She didn't do this on purpose. She can really put away the groceries under normal circumstances. I've seen it. "

" Are you saying I'm fat ? " I spat quickly.

" Oh, no. I never said you were fat. I said you eat just fine. " he explained. Then he looked to the doctor. " Thing is, she can eat just about anyone under the table and never gain an ounce. I promise you, Doctor, this wasn't caused by anorexia or bulimia or anything like this. "

The doctor shrugged and turned his attention back to me. " I want you to understand how serious this really is. You have to take time to take care of yourself. "

" I know. " I nodded, noticing that my headache was ebbing slightly. " I promise nothing like this will happen again. "

" You're not completely well, but I think you can probably go home tonight. I just need to know that someone will be there to look after you for a few days. You'll be weak and maybe a bit dizzy and disoriented until your electrolytes balance themselves out. " He explained, handing me a stack of papers.

" I'll be there. " Cappie said and i turned to look at him. " Force feeding her Gator aid and water. "

" That will be a good start. Don't try to eat anything too heavy for a couple of days. Stick to broths and soups. You might experience some nausea and a headache. " He gestured to the papers in my hands and finally smiled. " Everything you need to know is in there. I'm going to take both your words that this isn't a problem, but if you come back in here again for this, I'll be forced to notify your Student Advisor. "

I smiled back at him as Cappie stood. " It won't happen again. I'll make sure of it. " He said seriously.

" Good. Then you're free to go and tried to take it easy for a couple of days. Bed rest would be the best course of action. "

Then he was gone.

I turned to look back at Cappie and he was smiling down at me. " Well, let's get you out of here. I'll send Ashleigh in to help you get changed. "

I nodded, still smiling at him like an idiot. I'll be there, he said. I'll make sure of it. I kept hearing the words repeated over and over in my head.


	8. Chapter 8

My head spun as I sat in the backseat of Ashleigh's car listening to the three people that meant the most to me in the entire world, arguing noisily. Ashleigh was determined I was going home. She wanted to take care of me for the next couple of days. Rusty and Cappie both thought I belonged at the Kappa Tau house. They wanted to be the ones to watch over me. I suddenly felt more loved than I had in days. And while their arguing was stroking my ego, enough was enough. It was time for me to put an end to it. My head was still pounding and everyone talking at once was making it worse.

" I think I'd like to go to the Kappa Tau house, Ash. They're right. There are two of them and much less stress there. " I smiled at her in the rear view. " I think it would be best. "

Everyone got quiet and I felt Cappie reach over and squeeze my leg lightly. My whole world jolted into full color at his touch. It was wonderfully reassuring and satisfying. I gave him a small smile but he was looking forward and didn't see me. I decided to up the ante a little and move closer to him.

He glanced at me distractedly before turning his attention back to the front window. His brow was furrowed and his eyes looked a bit weary. I followed his gaze and saw that it was resting on a silver car parked behind his jeep in the driveway.

" Is there something wrong ? " I asked, quietly.

I nodded without looking at me. " No, it's nothing. "

But he didn't look like there was nothing wrong and I felt my shoulders tightening again. " If there's a problem with me staying with you, I can go home with Ashleigh. I'm sure she can manage to keep everyone off my back for a few days. "

" No, it's fine. I want you where I can keep my eye on you. " He smiled at me finally. And I relaxed but only a little. There was still something in his eyes that didn't sit too well with me.

I let him help me out of the car and up the front steps of the huge house.

As we approached the door, it opened and a woman with long red hair and piercing green eyes stared at us with her hands on her hips. Danielle Jackson didn't look pleased.

" I have been calling you all night. " she fumed.

Cappie stumbled slightly and put on his best apologetic smile. It was a smile I was very familiar with. I almost told her she should get used to it as well. " We had to take Casey to the Student Health Center. They don't allow cellphones inside. "

She looked at me, gaging me carefully. " I hope it wasn't anything too serious, Casey. You don't look any worse than normal. "

I plastered my sweetest smile on my face and shrugged. " I'll be fine in a few days. Cappie has offered to let me stay here to recover. Wasn't that nice of him ? "

Danielle turned her steel gaze to Cappie and I actually saw him shrink away from it slightly and it surprised me. He never flinched during a fight with me.

" She's staying here ?! " Her voice took on a shrieking tone that caused my head to throb again.

Cappie handed my arm over to Rusty who was standing beside us and went to her, ushering her inside and leaving us standing on the steps.

He stuck his head back out the door a second later. " Take her to Jason's old room and get her settled in. I'll check on you in a little while. "

Then he was gone again.

Rusty gave me a hesitant smile and took me inside.

Jason's room was small and smelled of old gym socks. Rusty tried to make it better by spraying some freshener, making it smell instead like someone had stepped on a tree in their gym socks, but I appreciated the effort.

While Ashleigh was gone, running to the house to get some clothes and other things I would need in the next few days, Rusty sat beside me quietly.

" You can take off. I'm good really. " I assured him.

" I know. I just wanted to sit here for a minute. " He said. Then he shifted and looked at me intensely.

" You really scared all of us, Casey. "

I reached out and took his hand. " I know. I'm really sorry, Russ. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wasn't thinking. Everything was been such a mess lately. "

" Is it Evan ? " he asked. " You seem okay with the break up, but is that why you haven't been eating?"

I laughed at him. " No, it isn't Evan. I'm okay with the break up, honestly. "

" Then why have you been so upset ? Ashleigh said you've done nothing but cry for the last few days. She said she was really worried about you. You've been acting like you lost your best friend. "

I sighed deeply. " I really don't want to talk about this. "

Rusty heaved a ragged breath. " If whatever this is has caused you to stop eating and cry all the time, then I really want to know. This isn't like you. Nothing gets to you this bad. "

" I'm so tired of that, actually. " I told him. " I am human, you know. Sometimes things get to me. Sometimes I fall apart, just like everyone else. I'm not special. "

He smiled weakly. " Yes, you are. " he answered with a firmness to his voice. " You are special. You are always together. You can handle anything that comes at you. I have never, in eighteen years of knowing you, seen you fall apart. "

The open, flagrant admiration on his face made my eyes water again. " I guess there's a first time for everything. " I said.

" But why now ? What happened ? "

" Rusty, please. I don't want to talk about it. " I insisted.

" You obviously need to talk to someone. As somebody who doesn't always have it together, let me tell you, it helps. It really helps. If it wasn't for you and Cappie. I would never have made it through my first couple of weeks here. " He touched my hand softly. " Everyone needs someone sometimes. "

" It was Cappie. " I told him finally. " We had a really big fight a few nights ago. A really big one. "

He looked suddenly confused. " Why would a fight with Cappie make you so upset ? "

Then as if a light bulb blinked on over his head, his eyes changed from confused to understanding. "You still love him. "

It was a statement that didn't need my reply. So I didn't give him one. I just stared down at our hands in my lap and concentrated on not crying again. I was so very tired of crying.

" Casey, you have to tell him. He deserves to know how you feel." he started quickly, his words rushing out in one long breath.

" I'm not going to tell him. At least not yet. " I stopped him with a raised hand. " I'm not ready for him to know and he has Danielle and if she makes him happy, that's what I want for him. "

" But she doesn't. " He jumped up and started to move frantically around the room. " You should see them together. He's so different with her. " he paused, struggling to explain. " He's a different person when she's around. He's not Cappie. "

I dragged my hand through my hair, pulling it away from my face in a tangled mess I would have to deal with later. " Rusty, I'm sure you're just imagining things. I know you want us to be together. I think that might be clouding your judgment a little. "

He turned to me quickly with a look of frustration furrowing his brow. " Do you need to hear it from someone else ? Everyone in this house is talking about it. "

I sighed. " Okay but have any of you even really given her a chance ? Everyone is different when they're in a relationship. It's part of the whole thing. Just because he doesn't have time to waste on you bunch of losers like he did before, doesn't mean he's unhappy. "

" Casey, trust me. He isn't happy. "

" Who isn't happy ? " Cappie asked as he stuck his head in the door.

" Oh, " Rusty stammered for a minute. " Beaver. He isn't happy. I think we may have run out of beer. "

Cappie stepped inside giving him his, ' a likely story' look. " How are you ? You have everything you need. "

" I'm gonna get to bed. I'm beat. " Rusty broke in before practically running for the door.

" What has gotten into him ? He's acting weirder than normal. " Cappie observed as he sat down on the foot of the bed.

He reached out and squeezed my foot. Even under the mass of blankets I could feel the warmth of his hand.

" I have no idea. Rusty is an enigma wrapped in a mystery of geekiness. " I commented dryly.

I was rewarded by a warm, full throated laugh. " I guess that about sums him up. "

" I didn't cause you any problems with Danielle, did I ? I don't want to make things difficult for you. "

He waved me off with a smile. " No, it's good. She was just surprised. But I explained everything and she's fine. "

I nodded in spit of my disappointment.

" So, can I get you anything ? "

" Some water would be nice. I am so thirsty. " Then a thought occurred to me. " Can I borrow your laptop ? I just want to check my mail. I promise I'll be quick. "

He stood and started for the door. " One bottle of water and a laptop. I'll be right back. "

" Thank you. " I called after him.

Maybe my mystery man had left me a message. I could really use a little pick me up and he never failed to supply one. Then a new thought occurred to me and I felt myself sinking deeper into my depressive mood. Everyone was accusing me of using the people around me. I use Cappie. I used Evan. I even use Ashley to get what I need, what I want. Was I doing that to the man in the messages ? Was I using him to make myself feel better, knowing there would never be a future with him, but keeping him hanging on for my own purposes.

Of course I was. I did it without even thinking about it. I really did use everyone around me and I didn't exactly offer them much in exchange. I was a selfish, egotistical mess. And I had no idea how to be any different.

My thoughts were interrupted by Cappie's return. He placed the water bottle beside me and the laptop on my lap.

" Anything else ? " He asked brightly.

" Yeah, there is actually. Do you have a minute ? "

He glanced at the door and I could tell that Danielle was waiting for him in their room and I was keeping him, but I didn't care. I was selfish and egotistical, remember ?

" Yeah, I got a minute. What's up ? "

He sat back in the same spot he had occupied earlier.

" The other night when you said you thought I kept you holding on to me on purpose, " I began.

He looked away and swallowed hard. " Is that how you really feel ? Do you think I use you ? "

He took a deep breath and rubbed his hand over his eyes tiredly. " Of course not, Casey. I was angry and confused. I didn't mean to be so mean to you. I thought maybe if you left mad this time, we could finish this thing between us. "

I shifted uncomfortably. " It obviously worked. " I muttered under my breath, but he heard me all the same.

" No, it really didn't. I felt horrible after that fight. I have since it happened. " he admitted.

" Me, too. " I agreed. " I don't want to hate you, Cappie. And I don't want you to hate me. That isn't us. We could never hate each other. "

He looked at me with sad, troubled eyes. " If we don't hate each other and we don't love each other, where do we go from here ? "

There were those damn tears again. No wonder I was so dehydrated. All the water was leaving my body through my eyes in the last few days. " I don't know. I know that I'll always love you. "

" I'll always love you, too. " his voice was barely above a whisper. " But it's more complicated than that. Espeically now. " He glanced at the door again.

I frowned but tried to hide it. He saw it anyway.

" Because of Danielle. Rusty said you were thinking of giving her your letters. Isn't that a bit sudden?"

He looked up in surprise. " He told you that ? "

" Yeah, right before I passed out. He thought you already told me. "

" I'm not giving her my letters. Not yet anyway. I was drunk and talking out of my head. I can't believe he took all that seriously. " He explained. " Besides the last time someone wore my letters, it didn't work out very well. "

He was lightly fingering the pendant around his neck and I turned my eyes from his. " I'm sorry, Cappie. "

" For what ? " he asked with a grin. " It's ancient history. "

" It isn't history and you can be as flippant as you want, but I know I really hurt you when I left and I'm saying I'm sorry for that. I never meant to hurt you. "

He looked down and back up. " I know. But its over and done with. How about we try the being friends thing ? Maybe that will work out better for us. "

" Do you think we can do that ? Just be friends. " I asked.

" I don't know. But I know I don't want you out of my life. I can't stand the thought of never seeing you, or talking to you. " he answered.

" I can't either. I'm just not sure we can be friends. " I told him honestly.

" Why ? Are you afraid you won't be able to resist ripping my clothes off and having your way with me? " he laughed.

Inside my head I was Screaming, YES ! That is exactly what I'm afraid of.

I forced myself to laugh with him and he squeezed my foot. " I should really be getting to bed. Danielle is waiting for me. "

I frowned again, the smile instantly dropping from my face.

" You really don't like her, do you ? " he asked at seeing my expression.

" That isn't it. I'm sure she's a very nice girl. "

He laughed. " No, she isn't. Can you imagine me with a very nice girl ? " He put his hand over his chest like I had mortally wounded him. " Bite your tongue. I wouldn't even know what to do with a nice girl. "

" Hey ! " I exclaimed. " I'm a nice girl. "

" Yeah, " he relented. " But I was trying to corrupt you. That's different. "

I reached behind me, grabbed my pillow and smacked him with it.

" Hey, " he jumped. " I thought the doctor said you were going to be weak."

I laughed. " Me, weak ? Never. "

He came beside me and brushed my hair with his hand. " I guess you're right. I can't imagine that either. " His voice was softer, more serious suddenly. " You really scared me earlier. Seeing you just laying there, not moving. I've never been that scared. "

I took his hand in mine and hugged it to my chest. " I'm really sorry. "

He leaned over and kissed my forehead gently, tenderly. His lips against my skin felt like liquid fire and I wondered what he would do if I just reached up and kissed like I wanted so badly to do.

" I know, Case. Just don't ever do that to me again. "

" I won't. I promise. "

He pulled his hand from mine and left without a quick goodnight and a promise of breakfast in the morning.

I watched him shut the door softly and my mind immediately began visualizing him getting into bed with Danielle. I imagined her wrapping her arms around him and attacking him with the kind of passion that having an ex-girlfriend around can instill in some people. I knew what she was thinking. I know how she was feeling. I had been there with Evan. Every time I caught Rebbecca talking to Evan, it ensured a wildly passionate night for us. I began to think that maybe Evan sought her out just to get that reaction from me.

It was an insecurity issue. I knew that from my first year psych class. Its pretty common. I felt like if I loved him more, he wouldn't be thinking about her anymore. If I made him happy, I could erase her from his mind.

The problem with us, of course, was that while I did a fine job of erasing her from his mind. I couldn't ever manage to do the same for myself. She was always there, standing between us, a ghostly imagine hell bent on making me miserable. But no matter what I did, I couldn't make her go away.

Secretly and a bit guiltily, I hoped Danielle would find that true as well. I wanted to be a ghostly image hovering in the recesses of her mind. I wanted her to always think of me and how much I meant to Cappie.

Of course I wanted to be there in his mind as well. Somewhere floating in his subconsciousness, even while he was holding her. I wanted to believe that his mind and heart were still here in this dingy, gym socks-smelling room with me. I wanted to believe that every time he looked at his bed, it reminded him of me, not her. I wanted to believe that he still loved me. I needed to believe it.

I realized with a start that I hadn't thought about the ZBZ's once since I woke up in the hospital. I couldn't help but be a little apprehensive over their opinion of my choice of men. If it hadn't been for them, I'd probably still be with Cappie, after all.

Did choosing to pursue Cappie ensure that I would never be elected permanent president ? Were they really that shallow ? I was working my ass off trying to get everything back together now that Frannie was gone. Would that matter at all come time for the election ? Or would they simply see that I was with Cappie and dismiss me out of hand ? Frannie always told me that I would never get anywhere in society while I choose to hang around with the Kappa Taus. Proper girls did associate with the likes of them. Could I really believe that ? Was she being truthful or trying to manipulate me, turn me into a living Barbie Doll for her amusement ? I had no idea. What's more is, I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to be the President of the ZBZ if it meant that I couldn't be with Cappie. Actually I knew I didn't care. I was trying to be honest with myself. And I knew deep down that the only thing that really mattered to me anymore was getting him back. Everything else was just the bonus on the side.

If I could manage to get elected president on my own efforts, Great ! If not, I could find a better place to spend my time. The Zeta Beta Zeta Sorority wasn't everything to me anymore. Cappie was and that was where I intended to put all my efforts.


	9. Chapter 9

_Casey My sweet, _

_I have been waiting for you. Still you elude me, like smoke drifting through my fingers. I know you are there, just a breath away, yet I am helpless to touch you. Sometimes the feeling is maddening. I get so very close to you but am unable to tell you who I am._

_Fear holds my tongue. Fear of your rejection of me. Fear of losing the scant little contact I have with you. So I reach out through cyberspace. Holding you in the only place I feel I can. _

_I haven't actually seen you in days and the hours seem to pass unending and unfulfilled as I wait to catch sight of you. To see the warmth of your eyes as they pass me on the sidewalk. To have you offer me the precious gift of your smile, your beautiful, effervescent smile. _

_The time is drawing closer now, when I must revel to you who I truly am. I can only hope that my words have reached your heart. And when the moment arrives, you remember them and know that I am the one who truly loves you. _

_Tennyson1987_

I read the message several times and I wasn't sure why, but this one left me with a vaguely creepy feeling that I couldn't seem to shake. Maybe it was the last line, I am the one who truly loves you. Maybe exhaustion and everything I'd been through in the last week were making me paranoid. I wasn't sure.

But I closed the laptop without reply. My eyes burned from lack of sleep and all the recent crying and I just wanted to sleep away all my worries, forget everything for a while.

I didn't so much fall asleep as crumple into a ball of nothingness.

I tried to ignore the knocking on my door, even going so far as to pull a pillow over my head to try and block the noise, but apparently whoever was there was pretty determined. I finally called a raspy, "Come in," as I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

" I was asked to bring you this while it's still hot. " Danielle appeared with a tray of food and a steaming cup of coffee. " Cappie said to tell you, he'll be up in a minute. "

" Okay, " I answered, taking the tray and placing it carefully on my lap. Some of the coffee slouched over the side of the cup in the exchange and landed on my hand, stinging it.

I looked up at her and wondered if she had done it on purpose, but she acted like she didn't notice. I decided to take the high road and ignore it.

" So, " I began as I moved the eggs around my plate with a fork. " How are things with you and Cappie ? "

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind, but it only lasted for a second. Then she sat and smiled at me sweetly. " Things are fine. How are you and Evan ? "

I could tell from her expression that she knew exactly how we were and she was using the opportunity to rub my nose in her relationship.

I just smiled back at her. " We broke up actually. I'm surprised you haven't heard. "

" Oh, I had. I just wanted to hear it from you. " she answered with venom touching her words. " I guess that means he's available then. "

Her comment shocked me and I choked on my first tentative sip of coffee. " I guess he is. Why ? "

" I was just wondering. I have a friend..." she trailed off dramatically.

Was this woman really sitting here asking me about the availability of my ex-boyfriend when she just left the bed of the object of my affections ? Was she stupid enough to think I wouldn't tell Cappie what she said ? Did she care about him enough for it to matter to her if he found out ?

I was so distracted by the questions pouring through my head that I almost missed her exit. But I stopped her as she reached the door.

She turned back to me at hearing her name.

" Sit down. I think we need to have a conversation. " I told her, moving the tray to the table beside the bed and sliding to the edge.

She sat in the worn leather office chair that Jason had apparently left, who the hell ever he was.

I leveled her with my most intent gaze and she stilled immediately, not like she was scared, but like she was really interested in what I had to say. I think she was mocking me actually, but I let it pass without comment.

" I want you to listen to me. " I began. " I won't let you hurt him. He's been through enough and I won't let you come in here and rip his heart out again. "

" That's rich. " she spat, " coming from you. "

" I really don't give a damn what you think of me. For some reason, Cappie has decided to seriously try this dating thing again with you." I made it clear that I thought there was no accounting for taste there. " The thing is, he hasn't been serious about anyone in years and I don't want his first time back out there to be a painful one. If you don't want him, tell him now. Don't string him along. "

She shifted. " Again, that's pretty rich coming from you. "

I took a deep breath to control my urge to leap from the bed and throttle the life out of the girl. Cappie probably wouldn't approve of me strangling his new girlfriend.

" Do you know what I think is going on here ? " she said, leaning forward a bit. " I think you're mad because I'm coming between you and your pet. Everyone knows how you pull him around on a leash. I think it bothers you to think that maybe he's found a new owner. "

A new owner ! Now I really was going to throttle her. I could feel the skin of my palms breaking as I dug my nails into it. My jaw ached from clenching my teeth as hard as I could.

She stood and stepped closer to me, not realizing how close I was to losing control of my temper, or not caring. After all, if I just jumped her and beat the living crap out of her, however satisfying it would be in the moment, I would be sealing my fate with Cappie and with the ZBZ's for that matter. How would it look if their president got into a brawl with a fellow president ?

" I'm going now. I have some things to take care. Maybe I'll stop by at the Omega Chi house and check on Evan for you. "

And then she was gone. I stared after her for what seemed like ages.

I had no idea what to do. If I just came out and told Cappie about our conversation, would he believe me, or would he trust the woman he was with ? Knowing Cappie like I did, the answer was the latter, without a doubt. He'd trust her to the bitter end, until he had concrete proof not to. It was just who he was and one of the things I really loved about him. No one was more loyal than Cappie.

So how was I going to convince him that she didn't deserve his trust, that she didn't care about him at all ?

My answer came into the room a moment later. His eyes were downcast and a stormy shade of blue that I rarely saw. His full, perfectly shaped mouth was distorted and turned down at the corners in a deep frown. His brown hair a mess as if he had pulled his hands through it several times.

I looked at him as he entered and I knew what had happened without asking.

Cappie had been eavesdropping. He had heard the whole thing with his own ears. He didn't need me to convince him.

" Well, " he said, forcing a smile as he plopped down on the foot of the bed.

I slide the few inches that separated us and touched his back.

" I'm so sorry, Cappie. I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I just wanted to tell her to be nice to you. I didn't expect her to react like that. " I told him, lowering my check to his shoulder blade.

" I know. " he answered quietly. " And I appreciate you trying to look out for me. "

He turned to his side, causing my head to come to rest on his chest. We made a sort of sloppy L across the bed and I wanted so badly to bring the rest of my body against his. But I hesitated, unsure of his reaction.

Again, he helped me decided as he maneuver and adjusted both of us until he was laying with his head on the pillow and my head was on his chest. His arms wrapped around my waist protectively and I sunk into the feel of him.

" How about some television and breakfast ? " He asked after a moment of quiet.

I nodded, brushing my check against his shirt with the movement. This caused his shirt to raise up, reveling his toned abdomen and I couldn't resist the urge to let my arm rest across it.

His bare skin against mine was everything I remembered and so much more. I'd forgotten how soft his skin was, how incredibly warm. I forgotten the way the light splattering of hair that covered his chest tickled as it brushed against me. I'd forgotten so much.

" Casey, " he raised his head and looked down at me. " You have to eat this breakfast. "

He nudged me and I consented to sit up beside him. Then he pulled the tray into his own lap and picked up the fork. " I told the doctor I would make you eat, even if I had to feed you myself. So you've left me no choice. "

He held the fork out to me full of a healthy bite of scrambled eggs and I accepted it without arguing. I knew it wouldn't do me any good and I was starving besides.

I let him feed me the entire tray in fact.

I was just settling in beside him once again when a wave a nausea hit me. I clutched my stomach and sat up as quickly as I could.

" Are you okay ? " the hand on my shoulder was almost nice enough to make me forget about my churning tummy, almost but not quite.

" I think I'm going to be sick. " I managed as quickly as I could. I really wasn't in the mood for conversation.

" Okay. " he said, coming around to the side of the bed I was sitting on and helping me up. " I guess we overdid the breakfast thing a little. I'm sorry. "

He lead me to the bathroom, but half way there the wave stopped and I stood up on my own, drawing in deep, refreshing breaths.

" I'm okay. " I told him.

But all the activity of moving had made me weak and I leaned against the cool wall for support.

" You don't look okay. " he announced. " But you aren't going to throw up ? "

I shook my head slowly. " I just need a second. "

He bent down and in the next second I was nestled tightly and securely in his arms as he made his way back to the bedroom. But instead of turning into Jason's old room, he continued down the hall to the stairs and went straight to his.

" It's much nicer. " he smiled at my questioning look. " And the bed's bigger. There's a T.V. "

I snuggled back into his shoulder, my arms circled around his neck, perfectly content to let him take me where ever he chose, as long as he kept his arms around me.

I glanced around as he placed me gently on his bed and noticed that the stuffed animal and nightie were nowhere to be seen. I was grateful. Even though it was obviously over, I didn't want any reminders of her at the moment.

" I figured since Danielle is gone, this would be better. " he said, a bit nervously. I don't think I'd ever heard him nervous before and I almost laughed.

" You're right. It is nicer. Thank you. " I told him. " You're sure I'm not going to be in your way in here. Cramping your style or anything ? "

He came to the side of the bed and knelt down. Then he reached out and took my hand. " I've learned a lot of things in the last week. " he began. I wasn't sure where he was going but he had my attention complete and undivided. " And the one thing I can't seem to get past is that you, Casey, are my style. "

I couldn't keep the smile from my face. " This, " he gestured to the room in general. " This doesn't have to mean anything. It just means my room is more comfortable and I can take care of you better here. If that's all you want it to mean. "

There was a question in his voice, an uncertainty. Like he was expecting me to kick him in the teeth yet again. Instead I leaned closer to him and kissed his cheek. A soft, chaste kiss.

When I leaned back, he looked completely confused. " I don't understand. Was that a thanks, you're such a pal kiss ? Or was it a I want it to mean more kiss ? You're gonna have to spell it out for me this time, Case. I can't read you the way I used to. "

I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to step back into a full fledged romance with him. I knew I loved him and I wanted to be with him more than anything. But it just didn't feel right yet. I couldn't believe the thought even as it formed in my head. How could Cappie being with me not feel right ? It always felt right, even when it shouldn't have. But I knew the answer. I hadn't earn this yet. I didn't deserve him this way yet. And until I did, I needed to put a caution light on.

" I just want to take this slowly this time. " I tried to explain it to him in a way he would understand.

" So it was a thanks, your such a pal kiss. " he said, a little disappointed.

" It was a give me some time kiss. " I corrected him. " I want to make this perfect for us. I don't want anything lingering over our heads. Can you understand that ? "

" What is lingering ? " he asked. " Is it Evan ? Because I can promise you it isn't Danielle. Hell, I can't believe I even started that. It was the dumbest thing I have ever done, and that is saying something, considering it's me we're talking about. "

I smiled. " It isn't Evan. It's me. I need to make some changes with myself and I just need some time to get it right. I don't want to mess this up this time. "

He smoothed my hair back and kissed me. It was the most tender thing I had ever felt. No one had ever touched me like that before. It wasn't a passionate kiss, it wasn't heated. It was quick and simple and so full of love I felt my chest expand.

" What could you possibly need to change about yourself ? You're perfect. " He whispered as he looked into my eyes.

" Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I need to learn how to be a little less perfect. " I answered.

" That isn't even possible. But if slow is the pace you wish to set. Then slow is the one you get. Although let me just state for the record, slow is a speed I have not had much practice with. So bare with me. "

I smiled again and kissed him in the same way he had just kissed me. I did my best to pour as much of my feelings for him into that one small, all too quick contact. When I pulled away the look on his face was a mixture of wonder and shock and awe.

" What ? " I asked, confused.

He shifted and came to sit beside me on the bed. " In all the months that we were together. All the kisses, all the times you touched me. You never once kissed me like that. "

I looked at him, truly confused now. " Like what ? How was that time so different ? "

" You kissed me like you loved me. " He said simply, a small smile tugging the corners of his mouth.

" Cappie, I have always loved you. " I argued.

" I know that. But that was different. There was more to that kiss. "

" I don't understand. " I said honestly. Surely I had kissed him like I loved him before.

Then it occurred to me what he was saying. When Evan kissed me it was always nice. I could tell he cared about me. I could tell he wanted me. Sometimes it even felt like he loved me. But when Cappie kissed me, I felt not just loved, but adored. It always seemed as if he felt I was doing him a favor by allowing him to touch me. He didn't just love me. He felt like I was his entire world. He cherished me and it showed every time he touched me, every time he kissed me.

Now for the first time, I felt the same way. I cherished him in a way I had never done before. We were embarking on something much bigger than we had last time. Last time was fun and special and full of everything new and exciting.

This felt real. It was an emotional level I had never reached before, a connection with another person that I never even dreamed was possible.

I was so lost in my own thoughts, I missed the deeply contemplative look on his face. When I saw it, I was instantly apprehensive. I knew that look. It was usually only reserved for his stoner parties. It was a look that said he was about to get philosophical.

" Oh, no. " I groaned, causing him to laugh.

" It isn't a bad thought this time. It isn't even a particularly complicated one, as they sometimes do tend to be. " he reassured me.

I turned towards him and folded my legs under me, getting comfortable and ready for the sometimes long winded explanation for his expression. " Okay, I'm ready, Dr. Freud. " I teased. " Lay it on me. "

" Have you read Plato ? " he asked, before beginning.

" A bit. In literature. " I answered. " But mostly I just skimmed the cliff notes. "

He rolled his eyes. " You are really missing out. Plato was a fine man. A little old and moldy, and he may have had more hair than most men, that's just a rumor though, I don't know that for sure. "

I laughed out loud.

" He wrote a story called the Symposium and in that story, a group of men were asked to philosophize about love. " He continued. " Well, Aristophanes told them about a race of beings. These beings had four arms and four legs and they cartwheeled around all the time, blissfully happy and never having a care in the world. "

I watched completely spellbound as his eyes danced while he related his story animatedly.

" Well these beings decided that since they were so blissfully happy, they would scale the heights of heaven and set upon the Gods themselves. The Gods were having none of this scaling heavens business and Zeus almost just blasted them all with his mighty thunderbolts. But he decided he didn't want to lose all the beings that had devoted themselves to him. "

He leaned forward conspiratorially.. " Zeus was a bit of a megalomaniac. I mean, I wouldn't say it to his face but that was a God that loved to be loved. "

I giggled again and he continued. " So instead of using thunderbolts, he punished these impudent creatures by splitting them right down the middle and scattering them to the four corners of the world. Hence they were called Split Aparts from that day forward. And they were cursed to go forth and seek out their other halves in order to be happy once again. " His voice rose as he finished, giving his tale the dramatic climax it deserved.

" So what happened to them ? " I asked, finally when I realized he was done talking.

" They became us. Humans. " he answered.

" Okay, so now I know the story. Tell me what the look was all about. "

" I was just thinking that my two legs and two arms fit rather perfectly with your two legs and arms and I would be perfectly content to go about blissfully cartwheeling with you forever. " He told me.

I just looked at him. It was classic Cappie logic, but it was the most wonderful thing anyone had ever said to me.

" That being said, " he cleared his throat. " I understand there is a rather happening Halloween party going down right below our feet on Friday. I was wondering if you might have already made plans. "

I laughed again. It was nice getting used to laughing again. " I don't have any plans as yet. Are you offering to be my escort ? "

He shook his head. " No, " He shrugged. " I was just wondering. "

I smacked his shoulder.

" I would be honored if you would do me the extreme pleasure of escorting you to the upcoming Halloween social. " He said, standing and giving a flourished bow.

" Kind Sir, " I told him in my sweetest voice. " The honor would truly be mine. " Then I grinned remembering our last Halloween party. " Would this invitation include perhaps pumpkin pecan pie ? "

He gave me his patented sly seductive smile. " It will if you want it to. "

He stopped suddenly and spun towards his desk, where he grabbed a handful of papers. " Oh, yeah. I couldn't sleep last night so I got everything ready for your shindig. " He handed the papers across to me.

" What ? You filled out all these last night ? " I asked, shocked.

" I figured you wouldn't really be up to dealing with all this, so I got it all ready. I'll take them to the admin tomorrow and get everything filed away. "

" This is so nice. Thank you so much. " I looked down at the papers. His messy scrawl stared back at me. I felt the physical ease of a certain amount of tension in my shoulders, tension I hadn't even realized was there. " You have no idea how much better this makes me feel. Just knowing that at least this is taken care of. It's wonderful. "

He came beside me again and took the papers, laying them on a small table next to the bed. " I figured it might make you feel better. Later, if you're still feeling better, we can take a look at those financial records that you said were such a mess. "

" Why are you helping me with all this ? " I asked, " I know the last thing you want is for me to be elected president. "

He looked stunned. " That isn't true. I know how much this means to you, and I want to help you if it makes you happy. " His look changed suddenly. " If you do get elected president, is it going to change this thing we're starting ? "

I shook my head. " Absolutely not. Either they except me the way I am, the entire package or I'm leaving. "

He sat back. " Leaving ? "

" I'll resign and leave the sorority. " I told him. " I won't let them dictate my life anymore. I'm going to date who I want and spend time where I want and they will just have to deal with that or lose me as a member. "

" Wow, that's new. " he smiled.

" It's one of those changes I'm trying to make. I want to put my life into prospective. Get my priorities right. " I confirmed.

" And I'm one of those priorities ? " he asked, his voice a little shaky and unsure.

I kissed him. I wasn't planning on getting anymore physical than we already had, but I couldn't make myself stop. He was sitting there looking at me with that uncertain look in his eyes and I wanted to make him see exactly where he stood. So I kissed him and it was wonderful. Not the sweet innocent kiss of earlier but a full, passion filled kiss like so many we had shared before.

His arms came around me and pulled me against him, crushing me to his chest. I clutched at his shoulders, dragging him closer still.

When we finally pulled away, I stared into his wonder filled eyes and smiled. " You are my top priority right now. "

" I don't think I've ever been your top priority. " he smiled slowly. " But if that was any indication to what it feels like then I think I could get used to it. "

He leaned in to kiss me again and it took all my willpower but I pulled away. " Slow, remember ? "

He nodded solemnly. " Right, slow. " He shifted slightly. " How about a movie ? "

" Will you watch it with me ? Or do you have things you need to do ? I understand if you do. You aren't required to babysit me all day. " I said, crawling to the head of the bed.  
" I have nothing to do that is more important than spending the day in bed with you watching movies. And I will do better than just stay with you, I'll offer myself as a pillow for your comfort. " he answered, coming beside me.

I settled against him, making myself comfortable. It was going to be a good day.


	10. Chapter 10

My plan was to spend the entire day wrapped around Cappie, laying on his bed, watching movies, Alone.

But as my eyes scanned the room around me I had to admit this wasn't so bad either. Rusty sat on the floor his back propped against the side of the bed. Ashleigh and Calvin lounged across a garish Green Bay Packers bean bag chair in the corner and Beaver was sprawled across the foot of the bed causing both Cappie and I to tuck our legs up to give him room. We had a full fledged party going on.

I think we watched every bad movie ever made. From Bill and Ted's excellent Adventure to School of Rock. And I loved every minute of it. Not once did I feel like I needed to be something other than who I was. Not once did I have to force myself to say one thing even though I was thinking something else. Not once did any of our companions judge us or even glance our way when Cappie and I found ourselves making out during a particularly boring part of Jay and Silent Bob strike back.

Yeah, I know, I said I wasn't ready for the physical stuff, but I was running on instinct at the moment. And in that moment, with his arms wrapped around me, my body resting firmly against his, my instinct said to kiss him. So I did. Okay, maybe more than once. His reaction was surprised at first, but he caught up with no problems.

The only reaction from the room in general was Beaver telling us to ' Get a room' when one of your feet connected with his spine.

" This is my room. " Cappie told him, barely breaking contact with me.

" Oh, yeah, I guess it is. " Beaver commented weakly and fell silent, not complaining again even when I bumped the back of his head as I shifted to get closer to Cappie.

I felt wonderful. Everything was wonderful. The word kept repeating itself over and over in my head as Cappie continued to kiss me.

We pulled apart when oxygen became an issue and I noticed that Beaver had turned towards us. He was watching us with an amused expression on his face. I looked over Cappie's shoulder and saw that everyone else was watching as well. It looked like they were all about to applaud and give us scores. I felt my checks redden at the attention.

" What ? " Cappie asked. Then he looked around as well. " You're all just jealous. " He told them as he saw their looks.

" No argument here. " Beaver commented dryly.

" The movie's over. " Rusty said around a grin that was threatening to take over his face. " If you wouldn't mind disengaging yourself from my SISTER, we need to know what to put in next. "

We had been so lost in each other, we hadn't even noticed. Cappie pulled away from me and sat up. I joined him.

A knock on the door, brought everyone's attention there and away from us, Thank God. But even despite the embarrassment, I noticed that it was different from the Omega Chi house. When the guys there caught Evan and I making out, there was teasing, but it always carried with it a slight disproving air. They never came right out and said anything but it was in the tone of the teasing.

Here, sure they teased, but under the teasing was a sense of comfortable, good-natured fun. It really was just teasing, not a veiled insult, just fun.

Heath and Wade were at the door, holding a bottle of Tequila, a salt shaker and a bowl of cut up limes.

Somehow I wasn't surprised. I remembered I was at the Kappa Tau house. Sooner or later, alcohol was bound to make an appearance.

" We were just down in the kitchen and it occurred to us that everyone in the house was up here, " Wade said. " Well everyone important that is. Then we got paranoid and thought maybe you were all up here talking about us. So we thought we'd join you. "

" We even brought refreshments. " Heath added, handing the bowl of limes to Rusty who had answered the door.

Somehow, we all found a place in the small room. Someone suggested we move the party downstairs to the den, but it was quickly shot down by Cappie, who determined I was too weak to make it down the stairs. I tried to argue, but he cut me off with a firm look that said he wasn't going to listen.

So we ended up with Cappie and I at the head of the bed, Beaver and Wade at the foot. Rusty was still beside the bed closest to Cappie and Ashleigh, Heath and Calvin were on my side. The tequila, salt and limes sat in the middle of the bed.

Apparently a drinking game was called for. Cappie said he didn't think I should be drinking at all, but I put my foot down. I was in too good a mood. I wanted to spread my wings and enjoy some upbeat, amiable camaraderie.

We choose bullshit. It was an easy enough game. The first person made a statement. At the moment it was Beaver, professing that his favorite drink was a fuzzy navel. Then we all went around the circle, either accepting his statement, or saying bullshit, which meant we didn't believe it. So far everyone had called a resounding bullshit on this round except Cappie.

" My favorite drink is in fact, " he paused for a dramatic effect. " The wonderfully fruity Fuzzy navel."

Everyone but Cappie took their shots.

Wade was the next person to make a statement. " I have never had a serious girlfriend. "

Nobody denied this one. None of us had ever seen Wade serious about anything.

He smiled smugly. " I dated Heather Wilson in high school for six months. "

We all took our shots dutifully.

Calvin was up next. He hesitated for a moment before confessing. " I have never had sex with a woman. "

That caused many raised eyebrows, and several calls of bullshit. Ashleigh and I were the only ones to accept his statement. It was Heath's acceptance that surprised me the most. And obviously Ashleigh was feeling the same because she was looking at him intently.

" I have, in fact, never had sex with a woman. " Calvin confirmed.

The guys, save Heath, took their shots with a bit of protest. They were all sure he was lying.

Heath sat up a little straighter and looked around the room from face to face as if he were trying to decided something. Then he cleared his throat. " I've never told anyone I loved them. "

We all said bullshit, but he confirmed the statement as true and we all drank.

I thought that was the saddest statement I'd heard so far that night.

Ashleigh was up next. " The first time I had sex was in my parents bed while they were in the Bahamas on vacation. "

I knew this was true and I said so, Calvin, Heath, and Cappie all agreed with me. Beaver and Wade called bullshit.

Ashleigh giggled and shook her head. " They were in Hawaii. " she beamed.

The four of us took our drinks.

Then it was my turn. I thought about what I wanted to say for a moment before stating, " I have a tattoo. "

This caused a split in the room. Wade, Beaver, Cappie and Calvin all said it was true. Heath, Rusty and Ashleigh all agreed I was lying.

" I do have a tattoo. " I smiled.

" No way ! " Rusty exclaimed. " Let me see. "

I couldn't exactly show it too them. It was a small butterfly on my left breast. I wasn't about to flash everyone to prove it. They would just have to trust me on this one.

I felt Cappie take my hand and squeeze it. He had known it was true. He was there when I got it, holding my hand and getting one of his own.

" I'm not showing you, Rusty. " I said.

" Then I don't believe you. " He shot back.

" Russ, " Cappie said. " She's got a tattoo. "

Rusty looked like he was about to ask how Cappie knew. But he thought better of it and took his shot.

" I was a virgin when I came to college. " Cappie stated.

Everyone immediately called bullshit. Except me. I knew differently.

He surprised everyone by saying the statement was true. He was a virgin when he came to college. I watched as they all took their shots.

" Okay, " he called. " Last one, then all you loser have to find a new place to hang so Casey can get some rest. "

There were protests from every member of the circle, except me actually. I was ready for some serious alone time.

" I have never spent the entire night with a woman. " Rusty said.

We all agreed with this one. Actually I think most of them were surprised he had ever spent any part of the night with a woman.

Taking one last shot all around, everyone stood and started making their way to the door. Beaver and Wade gathered up all the alcohol supplies before leaving as well.

When the last of them finally shut the door, Cappie moved beside me and pulled me into his arms.

He didn't kiss me. He just stretched out with my body against his and held me to him.

We stayed like that for a long while, silently enjoying just being with each other.

Finally, he kissed the top of my head and pulled back slightly to look at me. " Are you still feeling okay ? The tequila didn't make you sick ? "

" No, a little drunk maybe, but not sick. "

" You haven't really had enough to eat or drink today. " he said. " Can I get you anything ? "

I shook my head. " Trust me, I've had enough to drink today. "

He chuckled softly. " Okay, but you haven't had enough of the right things to eat or drink today. "

I conceded that point, but told him I was fine. I didn't feel like eating. I didn't want to move, in fact. I was finally feeling like everything was okay. I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.

He let it go with only a little protest and pulled me to him again, resting his chin on the top of my head. He was apparently content to not move either.

I couldn't recall the last time I felt so good. His body against mine was strong and solid. The alcohol running through me gave me a wonderfully relaxed feeling. I felt safe, protected and warm. I realized I was feeling everything I had been missing in the last few months. I never felt like this with Evan. He didn't inspire feelings of warmth and safety in me.

" Do you remember our first time ? " Cappie asked into the silence.

" Yeah. " I answered immediately.

" I think about it a lot when I'm laying here trying to sleep. "

" Really ? " I asked. " Are they good thoughts ? "

" Sometimes. " he said quietly.

" Only sometimes ? "

" The other times I wish I had done more. Made it more special. "

I looked at him. " It was special. " I argued.

" You said it yourself, It was awkward and weird and terrifying. " he countered.

" But I also said it was a memory I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. It was special because it was with you. "

" Wouldn't it have been a little less awkward and weird and terrifying if I had... I don't know, rented a classy room and had candles everywhere and music in the background ? "

I smiled. " There was music. "

" I don't remember music. " he looked doubtful.

" If I'm not mistaking and I don't think I am, you had your radio on and it was playing Aerosmith. "

" Aerosmith ? Really ? "

" Yeah, _I don't wanna miss a thing_. I always kinda thought of that as our song after that. " I let my eyes drop to his chest. " I still can't hear it without thinking of you. "

" Wow, " he sighed. " We had a song. I had no idea. "

" You never had a song that just reminds you of me every time you hear it ? "

" Well there's _Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me_. " he teased.

I laughed. " I'm serious. I really want to know what you think of as our song. "

The smile left his eyes and he turned suddenly solemn. " You really want to know ? "

" Yeah. I really want to know. "  
" I'm a big fan of the Plain White T's. I can't hear _Let's pretend_ without think of you. Actually I can't hear most of their music without thinking of you. "

I tried to keep the sadness from my face. " You mean the only songs that remind you of me are sad songs ? "

He thought about that for some long I wasn't sure he was going to answer. " Yeah, I guess they are. "

" I don't know what to say to that. " I said honestly.

He gathered me closer to him and kissed my forehead again. " Say that we are starting over and making happy memories together. Replacing all the bad stuff with oodles of happiness and groovy feelings. "

" I have so much to make up to you. " I felt like crying again. My glorious afternoon was taking a turn for the worse. Damn it. I knew it was too good to be true.

He leaned back and brushed a stray hair from my face. " Hey, You don't have anything to make up to me, Casey. We both did things that we regret. Neither of us deserves the blame for what happened. "

" That isn't even a little true and you know it. " I told him. " I was the one that walked away. I was the one that turned my back on what we had. "

" Is that what all this taking it slow stuff is about ? " he asked perceptively. " You feeling guilty for leaving last time ? "

I nodded, the tequila making honesty suddenly not so scary. " I just want to feel like I deserve you again. "

" Deserve me ? " he exclaimed. " I'm theone feeling seriously inadequet in the deserving department. How could you possibly feel like you don't deserve me ? You deserve so much more than me, I can't believe you'd settle for me. "

"I'm not settling for you. " I countered. " I've never meet anyone like you. You have the most beautiful soul of anyone I've ever meet. "

His look was thunderstruck as he stared back at me. " You are the only person I've ever shared my soul with. Most people don't get me. But you always have. "

A tear slid down my check and he caught it with his thumb and wiped it away. " Oh, no. I think we've had plenty enough of the tears lately. " He said, firmly. " God, I never saw you cry until last night in the hospital. Not in the entire time I've known you. Now I can't get you to stop. "

I managed a smile. " I know. I think I've cried more in the last week than I have in my entire life. "

" Why ? I mean aside from the fact that your sorority is in such bad shape. What else happened to bring on this emotional deluge ? " he asked.

" I've been thinking about us a lot lately. About how much I miss you, about how good things were with us. " I said quietly.

" Well, you don't have to miss me anymore. I'm not going anywhere. Not ever again. "

" It's more than that. I've been thinking about what Rusty said last week about how I use everyone around me for my own purposes. And then you said you thought I kept you hanging on a string on purpose. Even Danielle seemed to agree with that assessment. "

" Casey, I don't feel like you use me. " he said. " I was angry and confused and all I could see when you touched me that day was Evan and the necklace around your neck. I just couldn't take it. I exploded and I'm sorry. "

" You have no reason to apologize to me. I'm the one that's sorry. I never should have put you in that position again. "

" Okay, " he sighed again. " Let's stop this right now. We're both sorry. We both did and said things we regret. We can just leave it there. It's all in the past. "

" Can we really do that ? Can we leave everything that we've been through in the past ? "  
He considered that. " Well not everything and I think that's probably a good thing. Everything we've been through makes me realize how lucky I am to have you back. It makes me love you more now than I did before. "

I couldn't even imagine loving him more now than I had last time we were together, but he was right. I did feel so much closer to him than I ever had before. I was abruptly not at all convinced I wanted to continue with this taking things slowly approach.

Although, I acknowledged silently, my resolve there had been slipping all afternoon. I wanted him. I wanted to feel as close to him as possible.

" I love you, too. " I told him quietly. " You have no idea how lucky I feel to with you. I really thought after that fight that I was never going to see you again. I thought it was over. "

" So did I and it scared the hell out of me. My whole life stretched out before me and it looked cold and empty. "

" I know. I felt exactly the same way. " I nodded.

" Would you mind too terribly if I kiss you ? " he asked, looking down at me with a small smirk.

I pulled him down to me and kissed him instead. My arms snaked around his shoulders. His hands cupped my chin for a moment before grabbing me around the waist and dragging me closer.

It was like a floodgate broke between us. Before our touches had been sweet and gentle and tender. We hadn't let ourselves feel everything we remembered feeling. Now we clung to one another in desperation, holding on as if our very lives depended on it.

I pushed against him, arching my chest into his, making him understand that I was no longer interested in moving slowly. His mouth dropped to my neck. He let his tongue rest against the throbbing pulse in my throat and I heard a groan escape my own lips as I threw my head back, ready to let him lead me any place he wanted to take me.

Apparently that place was the brink of insanity and took me there over and over. The heat from his touch stayed with me, like a permanent brand, marking me as his. It was still there long after we both collapsed into an exhausted pile of entwined legs and arms.

I could barely tell which limb belonged to whom and it reminded me of his story of the Split Aparts. I settled my head on his chest and dozed off, dreaming about blissfully cartwheeling through the rest of my life with him.


	11. Chapter 11

I know I have bugged you all senseless today. I'm sorry this isn't another update for those of you that were hoping for more. It's coming. I promise. Probably tomorrow or possibly the next day.

I just wanted to take a moment here to say that, this one seems to be winding down. I'm only expecting a couple more chapters.

Oh, don't cry. You know me. There will be another one starting soon. Cappie and Casey won't be silent in my mind for long. Have faith. There is another rolling around in my brain already.

I really wanted to take a moment to tell you all that your words and praise has meant so much to me. Especially the words from my most loyal fans, and you know who you are. Your reviews are like a force guiding my finger across the keyboard. It means more to me than I could ever express to know that you enjoy what I'm doing here. And this goes for the reviews for Impossible as well. Your outpouring of support for both of these stories really gets me through my bad days and makes my good ones that much brighter.

So, thank you. Thank you so much for letting me know that what I've written has touched your lives even in just some small way.

Enjoy the rest of the story. Enjoy the upcoming story as well. I had so much fun dissecting Casey's psyche I might try one from Cappie's point of view next time.

Thank you again,

Gizmo


	12. Chapter 12

_Casey, _

_I saw you today. Finally after days without you, your prescience touched my darkened soul with its warm light. I also saw him. I saw him with his hands on you beautiful, pale shoulders. They rested once on the small of your back. He even kissed you once. And you looked so happy, so peaceful. I wish I could be the man that brought that look to you face, made it light up like a streetlight when you looked upon me. _

_It saddens me because this thing you have with him is only temporary. He isn't the one you should be with, Love. He isn't the man for you. I feel guilty for encouraging this the night we talked. I feel as if maybe my words had something to do with your choice. What I should have told you was to be patient. To wait for me. I should have told you to hold out for me. _

_I have no worries about him. He is no competition for me. Sooner or later, he will ruin things just like he did before. Maybe then I will show myself to you, help you to pick up the pieces once he is out of your life for good. _

_Until then, Love. You will be in my thoughts and in my dreams, always. _

_Tennyson1987 _

The wind was chilly. I felt it like a ghostly touch against my arms and legs. My footsteps resounded loudly on the pavement of the street as I made my way to the Kappa Tau house. I tugged at the headband that held my cat ears and reached behind me to try and straighten the long tail, despite the gusting breeze that tried to tangle it around my ankles. Yes, that's right, I was dressed as Fifi the cat, the prissy one from the bugs bunny cartoons.

I couldn't fight against the urge to look over my shoulder as I made my way in the darkness of night. I felt like I was being watched. Every since the first eerie e-mail I had received from my mystery man, I felt that I couldn't go out without being observed. I never knew when he was watching. I jumped at every shadow, afraid that any moment something or someone would leap from the darkness and snatch me away.

I hadn't told Cappie about the messages. He was already worried enough about me, I didn't want to add to his troubles.

I was feeling much better. After spending almost a week in bed, not exactly relaxing the whole time, maybe not even taking it easy, I was back in top form.

I also felt like maybe things were finally working themselves out. Cappie helped me gloss over all the financial records of the house, making them at least appear as if we had everything under control now. The contest planned for next weekend was on track and going full steam, with a team of people assigned to deal with the food, decorations and all the other things that went into a campus wide event.

I couldn't believe everything was turning out so well. Emotionally and physically, I was in an entirely different place than I had been a week earlier.

Was it only a week ? Was that really all the time that had passed ? It felt like weeks. Cappie and I had spent every second possible together. Neither of us wanting to leave the other's side for longer than was absolutely necessary. He was even going to class. At least he was going to all the classes he had with me. It was the beginning of an effort on his part and I appreciated what he was trying to do. He was trying to show me that he was capable of being responsible and sturdy. It was a slow process but he was making a good start.

I was making an effort as well. I made myself stop stressing so much over things I had no control over. I had never felt more relaxed and carefree. I still had my goals and my plans, and my new attitude didn't seem to be impeding them, at least not yet.

I was doing a precious juggling act between classes, the presidency and a man I was completely in love with. So far, all the balls were still happily floating in the air. I didn't know what I would do if one of them slipped. I refused to let myself dwell on that possibility. Like Cappie told me, I'll worry about that when and if it happens. His philosophy was planning on a disaster almost always brought one on. So as long as things were running smoothly, I was anxiety free and really enjoying the feeling.

Well almost anxiety free. I amended in my mind as I looked around me once again. The e-mails had begun to really creep me out now. The idea that someone out there was watching me so closely caused a shutter to run through me and goose bumps to appear on my arms. I tried to ignore the nagging little voice in the back of my head, screaming at me to be cautious. Somehow along the way, my mystery man had turned into something much, much darker and more sinister.

Even as I told myself it was all just my imagination the words in his messages kept turning over in my mind. _It saddens me to think this thing you have with him is only temporary. _Was that some kind of veiled threat ? He made it sound as if he was certain Cappie would mess things up between us, but something there made me wonder. Instead of looking forward to his words of love and devotion, now I dreaded seeing his name on my mail. I had even considered deleting a few messages without opening them, but my curious nature would have none of that and I'd read every word.

I took a deep cleansing breath as I went up the front steps of the Kappa Tau house, brushing all my dark thoughts aside. Tonight, I was going to have fun. Cappie had wanted to come and get me himself, but as the president of the hosting Fraternity, I told him to stay and greet his guests. I would meet him.

More than once during the long, dark walk down Greek row, I had regretted that decision. I flexed my hand as I realized I was clutching my cell phone so tightly in my palm that the muscles in my fingers were aching.

Stepping inside pushed all my anxiety to the back of my mind. A blast of music,laughter and Wade, dressed as a solider greeted me as soon as I entered. He jabbed a glass of something very foul smelling into my hand. Rusty called a very loud hello to me from across the room. He was jammed into the far corner, dressed like an old west cowboy, surrounded by Beaver, the.. well Beaver and two other guys I didn't recognize. One of them was wearing an Elvis costume while the other was dressed in some kind of gothic garb.

I waved at him and immediately began to scan the room for the person I was most anxious to see.

A tap on the shoulder caused me to spin around and fall into right into the arms of date, Mr. Pepe La Pew. I ended up with my face buried in the shoulder of a skunk costume that smelled a bit like a wet dog. Pulling myself upright again I laughed out loud as I really looked at him. It was brilliant. He looked adorable.

He held me at arms length surveying my cat costume and smiling appreciatively.

A wolf whistle sounded behind me and I felt a sudden tugging on my tail.

" You know, if you ever get tired of the skunk, " Beaver grinned at me broadly. "You can always try a little Beaver. "

I laughed and jerked my tail out of his hand before turning my back to him.

I had never danced or laughed so much in one evening as I did that night. Fifi and Pepe topped Equine Elvis by miles. I was complimented and manhandled all night long. And I loved every minute of it. These were real people. No one here put on any sort of airs. When Beaver pulled me away from Cappie on the dance floor, their was no weirdness, no underlying motives. It was just fun.

Once during an Omega Chi party, one of Evan's brother's asked me to dance. When I accepted, it made Evan angry and it gave me an uncomfortable feeling like I was being passed around on some creepy level.

I danced with just about every member of the Kappa Tau Fraternity and not once did I feel weird or creepy.

Well there was once, when I danced with Rusty's roommate from freshman year, Dale. Rusty had dragged him to the party with the lure that there would be many, many sinners for him to illuminate about Jesus.

Rusty said that he agreed pretty quickly when he realized I would be there. That made me feel a little weird. Then, during a dance with Wade, he was suddenly there behind me and he grabbed me out of nowhere.

I cringed inwardly as the tempo of the music changed to a much slower one and I was abruptly pulled against his ridiculous Zorro costume. He smelled of cheap cologne and sweat as he put his arms around me.

Somehow, my hero must have sense how uncomfortable I was feeling, even across the crowded room. He came up behind Dale and tapped him on the shoulder lightly. Having shed his skunk head sometime earlier, he was still much taller than the younger man and he towered over him, not looking really threatening, but definitely letting him know that he could be if he needed to be.

Dale didn't so much step away as he slunk away. I could still feel his eyes on me as Cappie wrapped me in his huge fur covered arms. It was with a relieved sigh that I rested my head against his smelly chest.

" Are you about ready to retire from all this merriment ? " he asked, his lips moving against my ear.

I let the shivers that his breath in my ear caused consume me and nodded weakly.

" I think I'm ready for that pumpkin pecan pie that I was promised. " I told him.

He leaned into me and kissed me. It was hot, and heated and took the breath from my lungs.

" Go up. I'll get it and be right there. " he said when he finally released me.

" You better not be too long. " I warned him. " Beaver's looking pretty hot tonight and there's a policeman running around here somewhere complete with handcuffs. I've always wanted to try handcuffs. "

He arched his eyebrows at me suggestively. " Really ? "

I didn't answer, I just turned around and flipped my tail at him.

As I left the room, I noticed Dale standing in a corner staring at me through his slightly crooked mask. Something about the look in his eyes made me quicken my pace.

Making my way up the stairs as hurriedly as possible, I was panting by the time I reached Cappie's room and shut the door behind me.

I leaned against it, trying to catch my breath after the marathon run up two flights of stairs. I told myself I was being silly. But the way Dale was looking at me scared me on a deep instinctive level. I had to talk to Rusty about that guy. There was something very not right about him.

Every time I closed my eyes I saw him looking at me with that sinister gleam in his beady little eyes.

Then I had a sudden thought that turned my stomach queasy and sweat pop out on my forehead. Could Dale be my mystery man ? Could he be Tennyson1987 ? I did some quick calculating in my head. If the 1987 was the year he was born that would make him twenty. I assumed Dale was the same age as Rusty. Rusty who had just recently celebrated his nineteenth birthday. That would make Dale a year off.

Still that didn't prove anything. If he hadn't come to college immediately after he graduated high school, if his birthday fell in the right month, if he failed a year in elementary school. If any of those and a mirage of other things had happen, it would still fit. He could easily be twenty years old instead of nineteen.

The thoughts were coming so fast now that I didn't even realize how much time had passed since I made the mad dash up the stairs.

I glanced at the clock and noticed that I had been standing their against the door, thinking and breathing rapidly for the last fifteen minutes.

Where the hell was Cappie ? He said he'd only be a minute. Panic started to form in recesses of my mind and I took a deep breath to try and steady my shaking hands.

I sat down on the bed and tried to make myself calm down. I couldn't let Cappie see me like I was, shaking and obviously terrified.

My mind continued to scream at me that something was definitely wrong as I watched the minutes tick by in glowing red neon. Fifteen turned to twenty, then twenty-five.

Finally, at the thirty minute mark I couldn't take anymore. As horrible as the thought of going back down the stairs and possibly running into Dale again was, I had to find out what had happened to Cappie.

I swore to myself that if I found him, having a drink with his buddies, laughing and joking away I was going to strangle him with my tail for making me worry like I was.

As an afterthought I grabbed Cappie's jacket from the chair by the door and headed back to the party.

Nothing was even close to winding down, I saw as I took the last step. Everything was still in full swing, the music, the laughter. Although the laughter was definitely growing louder as the night progressed, thanks, I was sure, mostly to Wade's cauldron punch.

I scanned the crowd of people. I saw elves and bunnies, aliens and clowns. But I didn't catch even a glimpse of a skunk.

I took off for the kitchen.

Rusty was standing with his back half sticking out of the open refrigerator as I entered and I had never been so relieved to see him.

" Have you seen Cappie ? " I asked, quickly, causing him to spin around to me like I'd startled him.

" Not since you were dancing with Dale earlier. Hey I'm really sorry about that, by the way. I'll talk to him. " he apologized.

I gave him a quick, tense smile. " I'd appreciate that. He was really creepy tonight. Did he go home ? "

" I haven't noticed him either actually. "

" Okay, thanks. " I made to leave, but turned back quickly and went to the fridge. Pushing Rusty aside, I poked my head in and spied to box that held our pie. I opened it and saw that it was completely whole and untouched.

What the hell did that mean ? Did something happen on the way to the kitchen that distracted him ? Maybe, but not for this long. Surely he would have made it here by now if nothing was wrong.

" Something wrong ? " Rusty asked, reading my expression.

" Cappie was supposed to be getting us a piece of pie and meeting me upstairs. That was over thirty minutes ago and I can't find him. " I explained.

" I'll help you look. " Rusty offered. " I can go ask around and if I find him, I'll call you. You do have your cellphone, right ? "

I reached into the bodice of my costume and pulled out my phone. It was true, my brother was a genius.

Pushing the buttons with trembling fingers, I nearly dropped the phone twice before I finally got it right.

It went directly to voice mail. The sound of Cappie's voice did nothing to ease my fears. I think it just made them worse.

I closed the phone and replaced it in my bodice.

Rusty gave me a look, saw my face and left, telling me he'd call as soon as he found him.

I went back to the party to search myself.

Beaver met me in the hall. He wasn't quite staggering drunk, but I was pretty sure the drink in his hand would get him there.

" Have you seen Cappie ? " I asked.

" Yeah, just a little while ago. He was talking to David. " When my face didn't register recognition, he added, " the guy dressed like a cop. "

I nodded and went in search of the police. " Is there something wrong ? " Beaver called after me.

I turned back to him and explained the whole situation. I watched him go from almost drunk to completely sober in a handful of seconds.

" I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Someone probably caught him and he couldn't get away. " he assured me. " I'll help you look. "

I told him thank you and he promised to call me if he found him.

By the time I found David, talking to a group of other party goers in a darkened corner, my fear was all but consuming me. There was no doubt in my mind that something had happened to Cappie. The e-mail messages would not stop running through my now frantic brain. I was just one the verge of calling the real police when I spotted the fake one.

" Hi, " I said tapping him on the shoulder. " You're David, right ? "

" Yeah, " he answered, looking me over critically.

" Have you seen Cappie recently ? "

" Yeah, bout half an hour ago. He bribed me for my handcuffs. "

I smiled for the first time since making my trip upstairs and thanked him. " Did you see where he went when he left you ? "

" I thought I saw him talking to someone else, but honestly, there are so many people running around, I can't be sure who it was. "

" It wasn't a guy dressed like Zorro, was it ? " I finally gave voice to the fears that had been nagging me.

" It could have been . I remember he was dressed all in black. "

Dale was gone and the last person to remember seeing Cappie saw him talking to a man dressed in black.

I was in an all out panic now.

When I turned around, Wade, Heath and Calvin, dressed as gladiators, were standing behind me.

" We searched both floors upstairs and didn't find him. " Calvin said. All three of them looked truly worried.

" David said he saw him talking to someone dressed in black about half and hour ago. " I told them.

" Who was dressed in black ? " Heath asked.

" Can you get Beaver and Rusty and meet me in Cappie's room ? "

" Yeah, we'll be right there. "

When I got to Cappie's room, I went directly to the laptop and logged in to check my mail. A chill ran through me when I saw I indeed had a message. With a silent prayer that it was about some sorority business, I clicked the envelope icon.

My heart physically stopped beating as Tennyson1987's name appeared on the sender's line. I couldn't make myself open the mail. And thankfully I was saved from having to as five people piled into the room all at the same time.

" Did you find him ? " Rusty asked quickly as he came to me and rested his hand on my shoulder.

" I think I might have. " I nodded.

Then I turned to them and began to explain as quickly as possible about my mystery man and the creepy e-mails.

When I finished everyone was staring at me with wide eyes.

Rusty was the first one to speak. " We have to call the police. "

" What did the last message say ? " Calvin asked.

" I don't know. I couldn't make myself open it. "

Rusty lead me over to the bed and sat down with me. Heath joined us and both of them took my hands in theirs as Calvin and Beaver opened the message.

Beaver was paled and looked like he was about to vomit when he turned back to us. " We need to call the police. " he said simply before grabbing the phone.


	13. Chapter 13

_Casey, _

_Finally, I touched you tonight. The warmth of you body against me was everything I've ever dreamed of. It was magic, true magic. Your breath on my shoulder, the smell of your perfume, you were perfect beyond all my imagines. For one, all too brief moment, it was like I always knew it could be between us. You surrounded me, smothering my senses in your powerful presence. _

_Then he was there, the unworthy one. The one who couldn't possibly love you as I do, couldn't possibly feel as deeply for you as I do. He smelled of his cursed drink and groped at you unmercifully like a child. A raging hormone without a thought to the beauty he was soiling with his dirty, sinner hands all over you. _

_He had to be shown, Casey. I had to make him see the sin of his ways. I had to try to save his soul, to cleanse him of his evil thoughts and deeds. _

_I hope that I have not caused you too much pain. I had no choice. You will get over him, eventually. You will move on and when you're ready, I'll be there to save your soul as well. _

_Tennyson1987_

The police were apparently very busy on Halloween night. A call to campus security told us that since we only suspected foul play was involved in our friend's disappearance, it would have to wait until all the emergencies were handled. At least an hour, maybe longer.

How could I sit there for the next hour knowing that Cappie was out there somewhere in danger ? I couldn't. I was rocking back and forth on the side of our bed, crying openly and clearly scaring the hell out of everyone else in the room, if the looks they kept giving me were any indication.

" Where would Dale have taken him, Rusty ? You know him better than any of us. " Calvin asked.

" I'm not sure. He's still living at the dorm. Maybe there. " Rusty offered.

" Is there anywhere else ? " Beaver had him by the shoulders. He looked like he was about to throttle the answers from my brother's scrawny neck.

" His band rehearses in a back room at the Student Christan Center. I'm sure it would be empty, especially tonight. " he said, stepping out of his reach.

Beaver looked almost as frantic as I felt. His hair was a scattered mess, his eyes wide and wild with fear. He was sweaty and I thought I noticed his hands shaking. Yep, exactly how I felt.

" I'm going over there. " he informed us as he stepped out of his Beaver costume.

" We should wait for the police. " Rusty said.

" Wait for the police ! " Beaver bellowed. " You want me to sit here and bite my nails waiting for campus security to get here and decided that there is a real threat and call the real police so we can wait another hour for them to show up before anyone even thinks about looking for him. "

Everyone shrank back a little from him. His voice was loud and booming and he was moving with great agitation around the small room. " He's my best friend. And if things were reversed, if I was the one out there in the hands of some crazy religious fanatic, he'd already be gone looking for me. "

We all agreed he was right. Cappie wouldn't even have hesitated before charging to the rescue of any of us.

I stood and tried to bring myself under control. " He's right. He have to go. We can't wait. God knows what Dale I doing to him. "

No one argued now. They just charged after me, as I tried to keep up with Beaver who was plowing along not caring if we had his back or not. His mind was completely focused on bringing his friend home. That was all that mattered to him.

The night air was cooler now than it had been earlier and I was eternally grateful that I still had Cappie's jacket on. I pulled it tighter around me. It smelled like him and I drew in the scent, taking comfort in his presence there.

Our troupe of wanna be heroes moved quickly down Greek row, past the student health center and the administration building with its looming, foreboding columns and massive, overshadowed windows. Everything seemed darker suddenly, more frightful. Danger seemed to lurk in every shadow, every quiet, unseemly crevice.

Rusty had my hand and he squeezed it reassuringly as I jumped at every leaf that turned over and every wayward noise the night had to offer.

I was completely terrified. Fear, guilt and grief mingled in my mind, fighting for dominance of my emotions. Fear was winning at the moment.

God, I prayed, please keep him safe until we get there.

I wasn't normally an overly religion person. I only attended services on special occasions and God was not the first person I turned to in my hour of need. But as we trudged along, drawing closer to our destination, I found myself in silent negotiation with the powers that be. I promised to pray regularly, to go to church every Sunday, anything if He just kept Cappie safe and unharmed.

The building was smaller than the ones that surrounded it. It was still and silent, a nonthreatening type of building. It looked so normal. A small pink and white brick building sitting between two large towering monsters, the Science building and the Library. Under other circumstances, I might have described it as quaint and unassuming. I had passed it many times and never given it the slightest notice. But now, with the thought of what might be going on inside its seemingly harmless exterior, it took on a frightening, eerie quality. And I knew that I would never pass it again without noticing it and remembering exactly how I felt as I stood on the front sidewalk, watching as Beaver tried the door.

It didn't budge, it's lock firmly in place. We moved to the back, Rusty in the lead taking us to the door he had used on the two occasions he had attended a practice session of Dale's band.

This door was locked as well, but not nearly as well made. With words like criminal trespassing and breaking and entering screaming in my mind, I watched as Beaver put his shoulder against the flimsy door and bull rushed into it.

The wood of the jamb splintered with a resounding crack, making us all glance around to see if anyone had noticed the sound. Campus security, perhaps ?

But no such luck. No one was anywhere to be seen. We were on our own, a petrified, unnerved group of people with nothing but our bravado and numbers to help us. None of us had even thought to bring a weapon.

It was in this moment that I wondered how Dale could have possibly gotten Cappie out of the house. Cappie was far bigger and stronger than Dale. He wouldn't have gone with him without a fight. But no one had seen any type of scuffle. Someone would have mentioned it. So how did little Dale manage to best Cappie and get him all the way across campus to the back room of this little building ?

The answer came to us, stepping into the hall, looking repulsive and ominous. There were two of them, both dressed in ghoul costumes, which only added to their gruesomeness. They each carried baseball bats, thumping the ends against the palms of their hands threateningly.

" Dale's purity pledge brothers. " Rusty whispered as he recognized them.

At least we knew we were in the right place, I thought offhandedly.

Beaver didn't seem to care who they were. He didn't hesitate a moment. He dropped his shoulder and plowed into the first one, before the ghoul even had a chance to react, without a thought for the bat in his hand.

Calvin did the same for the other one, although he admittedly had a little more trouble. He caught the butt of the bat against his back as the second ghoul dropped to the floor.

Spinning quickly, he barely got out of the way before Beaver delivered a kick to the head of both men, rendering them unconscious and out of the fight for now.

He took off down the hall without some much as a glance over his shoulder. As an afterthought, Rusty and Heath both grabbed the bats that now lay useless on the floor at the ghoul's feet.

Now we were armed.

" How many of these purity pledge brothers are there ? " Wade asked as he came up behind us.

" Five, including Dale. " Rusty said.

A shout came from beside me and I turned around to see Beaver being taken down by the two remaining brothers. These guys weren't concerned with bats. They like there friends were dressed in ghoul costumes and holding what looked to be tazer guns.

Beaver lay at their feet, twitching in a disturbing, convulsive manner. He had been about to round a corner and apparently these two were waiting for him on the other side.

Well, I had my answer as to how exactly they had gotten Cappie out of the house without a fight. The tazers. Once tazzed, two of them could have easily dragged a seemingly drunken Cappie from the party without anyone taking any sort of notice at all.

Heath and Calvin were in the lead now, advancing slowly on the ghouls. Caution dictated their steps as they came closer and closer together.

It was Heath that surprised everyone this time. He more or less leaped, quickly closing the distance between the two parties and swinging his bat wildly. One of the guns flew into the air, landing with a sickening crack of breaking electronics against the wall. The second swing of the bat brought one of the ghouls to the ground in a heap.

Calvin took the opportunity of surprise and rushed into the next one, but he wasn't quite fast enough and the tazer caught him in the ribs, dropping him like a sack of potatoes on the ground at the ghoul's feet.

The man looked down at him with a sickening smile before turning his attention to Heath, who was distracted in that moment by Calvin's shaking, twitching body.

" Look out ! " Wade shouted, elbowing past Rusty and I and stepping into the fray.

He blocked the gun with the side of his arm, deflecting it away from Heath, who looked like he was about to drop to the floor beside Calvin.

Wade, using the leverage from his charge across the small space, plunged his fist into the man's stomach, winding him long enough for Heath to rip the gun from his hand and deliver an elbow to the middle of his back.

The fourth ghoul now lay like the others, unconscious and no longer a threat.

Seeing the immediate danger over, Heath did drop to his knees beside Calvin, pulling his head into his lap and stroking the side of his face, softly.

Well, that certainly confirmed that mystery as well. I had suspected Heath was gay since the drinking game. The tender way he held to Calvin, whispering softly to him and trying his best to comfort him, said my suspicions were right no target.

No one else seemed to give them much noticed. If this new revaluation about their brother bothered them, they were masking it rather well.

Wade was bending to check on Beaver, who was being to come around, groggily picking his head up and looking around.

" Find Cappie. " he said, weakly before dropping his head to the floor once again.

Heath showed no indication of planning to leave Calvin alone and we left him there to look after our fallen comrades as we continued around the turn in the hall.

Rusty and Wade were leading the charge now with me, alone and terrified, bringing up the rear.

A closed door stood at the end of the dimly lit hallway. A sliver of flickering light shown from the creak beneath it. The flickering reminded me of candlelight and I suspected that was the type of lighting illuminating the ominous room before us.

Rusty paused long enough to press his ear to the wood of the door, listening for any hint of what was happening on the other side.

Apparently all was silent, because he shrugged and reached for the knob.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion suddenly. The opening of the door, the movement beyond, Even Cappie's shout as he recognized who was entering.

" Casey ! Get out of here ! " he bellowed from a small, rickety wooden chair in the middle of an otherwise empty room. Dale was nowhere to be seen.

Blood. I saw Blood. It came at me like a ghastly, repulsive thing, the bright redness of it obscene to my senses.

There was no thought as I ran into the room, brushing past Wade and Rusty before they could stop me.

I dropped to my knees beside the chair and ignored Cappie's protests as he continued to demand that I leave as fast as I possibly could.

His hands were handcuffed, the links laced into the rungs on the chair's back. The skunk costume was gone. His chest exposed, gleaming pale in the candlelight.

I noticed the sticky, unspeakable feeling of blood soaking into the knees of my tights. My only thoughts were of finding out where it had come from.

Looking Cappie over carefully, I could find no place that was bleeding. Several smears decorated his chest, but no open wounds. His left eye was swollen and bruised. His right shoulder, red and swollen, but he wasn't bleeding as far as I could see.

" It isn't mine. " he told me finally as he recognized that I was searching for.

" Then who's is it ? " Rusty asked coming up behind me.

" It's mine. " Dale's voice was low and grizzled, bring with it a harrowing, horrendous feeling as he stepped into the room from a second doorway off to the side.

" Stay away from her ! " Cappie yelled as he struggled against his bounds.

I stood, moving with deliberate slowness so as not to startled the clearly off balanced man.

His smile was alarming, an abominable, repugnant thing that spread across his features, turning the boy that had appeared harmless and almost unworthy of notice into a man, dark, menacing and dreadful.

I instinctively took a step back and Rusty moved between us, hiding me behind him protectively.

" Don't, Dale. " He said with a forcefulness I wasn't aware Rusty was capable of. " Don't come any closer. "

The laughter that erupted from him was more terrifying than anything we had encountered so far. It was a detached, maniacal sound that carried throughout the room and echoed back at us, mocking our fear and horror.

" Rusty, you silly little boy, do you really think you can stop me ? Look at you. Your pathetic, a weak, girlish excuse for a man. I have the power of God on my side. " He continued to come towards us, his steps slow and deliberate.

He drew his hand behind him, causing his cape to flourish around him with a rippling effect, encompassing Rusty in it many folds.

When it moved aside, Rusty was laying on the floor, his eyes closed and unmoving.

I screamed and dropped down beside him.

" See I told you. " Dale said quietly as he knelt on the other side. " I have the power of the Lord in my veins. He can move mountains. "

Rusty was twitching involuntarily like the others in the hall.

" This isn't the power of God, Dale. It's the power of the tazer gun you have hidden in your cape. " I said, standing, empowered by the relief I felt in knowing that Rusty would be okay.

Dale come to me, stepping over his friend's crumpled body in the process. He seemed even more repugnant and repulsive now. The knowledge of what he was capable of clouding my image of him, turning him into a dark, sinister figure, like the villain in an old horror movie.

A hefty gash run from the hairline above his left eye to his temple. Blood streaked the side of his face and I wondered how I hadn't noticed it before.

Cappie continued to struggle against the handcuffs that held him fast to the chair. I started as a sickened crash resounded through the room. From the corner of my eye, I saw that he had turned the chair over in his fight for freedom and was now laying on his side on the floor.

It was the movement of his arm that caused my next action.

It was an action that would stay with me for the rest of my life, a feeling I would never really recover from.

Taking a deep breath, I reached forward and pulled Dale into me, distracting him from what was happening on the floor behind him. The chair had broken in the crash. Cappie was rising in a carefully measured movement.

" I can't stop thinking about all those messages you wrote to me, Dale. Telling me how much you loved me. You were right, you know. You are the only man I could ever really love. "

" How stupid do you think I am ? " he spat. " What are you trying to do ? "

I leaned closer to Dale, intent on doing whatever I needed to do in order to keep his attention on me.

Out of the other corner of my eye, I saw Wade creeping into the room. He, like Cappie was moving so slowly my eye barely registered the movement. In his hand, he held the tazer gun that one of the ghouls had dropped in the hall.

Dale shifted against me, making to turn his head. I did the only thing I could think of, I took a step closer, fighting off the nausea growing in my stomach and kissed him.

Then everything seemed to happen at the same moment. Cappie rushed him, his shoulder cocked in front of him. It was with a yelp of pain from Cappie that his shoulder, the bruised, swollen one, connected with Dale somewhere around his knees and sent him toppling forward. I moved just in time to keep him from crashing against me, taking me down as well.

Then Wade was there, standing over Dale with the tazer gun pressed into the younger man's side, rendering him unconscious.

I staggered back away from the scene in front of me. Rusty still lay, unmoving with Dale in the same condition beside him. Wade wasn't taking any chances. He was still standing over Dale with the gun raised, ready to strike with his slightest movement.

Cappie was struggling back to his feet, awkwardly in his still cuffed position and I finally willed my feet to obey me long enough to get to him.

Straining as I helped him to his feet, my muscles ached and throbbed.

" Where's the key ? " I asked, examining the handcuffs carefully.

" In his right front pocket. " he said, squirming as he tried to relieve the pressure from his shoulder, which was now even more swollen and a more angry shade of scarlet.

Wade took little time in retrieving the key and handing it to me.

I unlocked the cuffs and tossed them as far away from me as I could. They landed in a dark corner of the room with a clang.

Then I was abruptly trying to steady myself as Cappie whipped around and grabbed me to him. I couldn't breath, he was simply not allowing enough room between us for my lungs to expand. I took a shallow breath and let myself sink into him, relief coursing through me like a drug.

He pulled away finally. " Are you okay ? " he asked, his voice shaky and so full of concern.

" I'm fine, what about you ? I wasn't the one that was kidnapped. "

" I'm alright. Just a little banged up. " He cast his eyes down at Dale. " I think you got the worse part of the deal though, what with the creepy kissing and all. "

Somehow, even in the middle of everything that was happening, somehow, he made me laugh. I couldn't believe it even as the sound escaped my lips. He truly was the most amazing person I'd ever met. Then he kissed me so soundly and completely it was as if he were trying his best to erase the memory of Dale's lips on mine from my mind.

He lead me over to Rusty and we both checked him out, making sure he was only unconscious and there was nothing more wrong with him.

Satisfied that he was really okay, we turned as the door opened and Beaver, followed by Heath and Calvin entered the room.

" Where are the others ? Are they awake ? "

Beaver didn't answer. He didn't say a word in fact. He simply walked to where we were standing, moved me gently out of his way and encompassed Cappie in a hug that lifted him completely off the floor.

" Hey, Man. Watch the shoulder. " he sputtered as he returned to the ground.

" The cops finally decided it was an emergency when I called them and explained what was going on. They showed up and took the others guys outside. "

The words were no sooner out of Heath's mouth than three campus security guards were entering the room.

We were all safe. Everyone was okay. I swayed a little with the euphoria the thought brought me. My entire body throbbed like one giant aching toothache as I allowed myself to relax muscles I hadn't even realized were tense.

It was over.


	14. Chapter 14

Sunlight drifted softly in from the between the small slits in the blinds, as if it were trying to catch a peak of what was going on inside. A woke slowly, the sweet taste of last nights indulgence still on my lips as I swallowed and moistened them with my tongue. The warmth radiating from beside me caused me to shift slightly, squirming away from the heat that was causing my skin to sweat in that one specific spot where my leg rested against my own personal heater.

I smiled at the thought, my own personal heater. Looking down I saw that as was typical of most mornings, the blankets were no longer covering me and instead of laying neatly across the bed, they were jumbled around my feet, a tangled mess. I considered reaching for them and pulling them over me again, to use them as a shield against the light from the windows if nothing else, but the effort that it would take to work them into some semblance of order was more than I wanted to put forth.

Glancing at the neon red numbers on the clock beside the bed, I noted that was approaching noon. I had been asleep for less than six hours.

By the time the police had finished with us it was almost four in the morning. Then after some serious alone time, well anyway.. it was decidedly late, or very earlier by the time I finally drifted off to sleep. I remember being completely and utterly exhausted when I closed my eyes, but it was the kind of exhausted everyone should be when they finally sleep, the totally fulfilled, extremely happy kind that stays with you all night and taints your dreams with vision of lollipops and pumpkin pecan pie.

" Morning, beautiful. " a drowsy, sleep roughened voice came from beside me.

" Good morning. " I whispered, laying a soft kiss against Cappie's check as I nestled myself into the crock of his arm.

He shifted, turning towards me and pulling me closer still. " I still can not get used to waking up with you being the first thing I see. " he whispered into my hair.

" Why do I look that bad ? " I smiled, " I mean, I know my hair must be a mess and I probably have morning breath, but it can't be that bad. "

He laughed. " I think I like you best in the mornings actually. With the sleep still in your eyes and everything a mess, that's when you really are the most beautiful. "

I giggled at the compliment. " You think I look my best with wild hair and no make up, wearing your smelly old shirt. "

He sighed, " I think it's the one time of the day that I get to see you like you truly are, with no smoke or mirrors. It's just you, nothing take away from what you naturally are. "

I laughed, " So you'd rather I walk around with no make up and stop brushing my hair ? "

" Oh no, " He kissed the top of my head. " I like that this look is just for me. I'm the only one that gets to see you like this. "

" I love you. " I told him, though it was slightly muffled as I was placing a kiss against his shoulder, the one that wasn't bruised.

" I hate telling you I love you. " he said, maneuvering until he was face to face with me. " It sounds so mundane and meaningless. "

" What ? " I asked, a little shocked.

" It's just that I tell my mom, I love you. I tell my little sister, I love you. This is so much more than that. It hardly seems adequate. " he tried to explain.

" Okay, how about, I adore, worship, cherish, need you ? Is that better ? " I teased.

" It's a bit of a mouthful. I think from now on I'm just gonna say, I, you know, you. That way you can know that I mean everything you just said, plus so much more. "

" I, you know, you. " I laughed. " It'll be our thing. No one will have any idea what we're talking about. That could be fun. We'll have our own language. "

" And we can keep it all a secret. Not tell anyone what it really means. It'll drive them insane. " he picked up right where I left off.

" I really have missed waking up to find you have once again stolen all the covers and kicked them to the foot of the bed. " I commented, sliding my arms around his waist.

" I've really missed having you nag at me about stolen blankets every morning. " he smiled. Then he laughed out loud suddenly. " It must be love. I actually missed you nagging me. "

I joined him. " I missed having someone to nag. "

" Are you telling me, you never nagged at Chambers ? " he asked, looking at me in disbelief.

" He never gave me much of a reason to nag. Besides, I rarely stayed at his house. The other Brother's really didn't approve of stay over guests. It wasn't gentlemanly. "

" Well, this house loves having you here and you know you're welcome anytime. Hell, as far as they're all concerned, you are one of us now. " he assured me.

" I feel like one of you. " I shifted slightly, and he rested his leg across the top of my thigh. " You know since I came here, I've been searching for my place. A place I really felt like I belonged. That's how I feel here. "

" You do belong here, Casey. We are your people, the real people. No one here is ever going to try to change you or mold you into something your not. We won't expect anything from you. " he said, seriously. " You don't have to pretend here. "

" I'm considering resigning from the house. " I said, quickly, like I was removing a band-aid.

" What ? " he was clearly stunned. " Why would you do that now when you just about have everything you've always wanted ? "

" Because I don't want to pretend anymore. I want to feel like I can breath. Just walking up those pretentious steps sucks the breathe out of me now. I don't fit in there. I don't belong. That isn't how I am now. "

He was silent for a long time. Then finally he looked into my eyes. " You know I'm okay with whatever you decide to do. But if you're giving up your dreams of presidency for me, please don't. I know how much that means to you. I know how much you want it. I couldn't live with myself knowing I caused you to make a decision that made you miserable. "

I kissed him, hard. Could he have said anything more perfect than what he just did ? It was exactly what I needed to hear, and yet I knew from the look in his eyes that he wasn't just saying it because I wanted to hear it. He meant every word. He would stand by me, no matter what decision I made. He would love me no matter what road I took.

Finally, in that one statement, I got it. I got exactly what I had been searching for for longer than I could remember. Acceptance and Support, no matter what. He had no idea the gift he had just given me. To him, he was simply telling the truth, letting me know that whatever I wanted was okay. To me, it meant everything.

I felt like I needed to repay him for that. Make him see that I felt the same way. I pulled back and smoothed the hair from his face. " I know it doesn't always look like you are the most responsible person in the world. I know it doesn't look like you have goals or plans, but I want you to know, that I know better than all that. I'm okay with whatever you decide to do as well. Whatever your plans are, I'm with you, totally on board. If you want to spend the rest of your life running a shack on the beach selling inflatable toys and surfboards, then I'll be right beside you, working the register and stocking the shelves with sex wax. "

His eyes were surprised then doubtful. " You can't tell me that would really make you happy. " he said after a moment.

" Being with you makes me happy. That's all that matters to me. " I said firmly.

" How about instead of you giving up your dreams so that I can have mine, how about we makes our own dreams and plans together ? A future both of us, can not just settle for, but love. " He smiled, " My dreams are a little bigger than a shack on the beach by the way, although picturing you wearing a bikini to work everyday does sound wonderful. "

" I, you know, you. " I whispered against his lips.

" I, you know, you, too. " he answered, before kissing me throughly.

" I think it's way too early for such a deep conversation. "

" I agree. " he answered simply as he shifted until I was laying beneath him, his warm body pressed against mine, his hands roaming my sides, gliding over my skin.

I draped my arms around his shoulders as we continued to kiss, each one becoming more intense, more passionate than the one before.

It was two hours later before we made it downstairs, in search of food and refreshments. I was still wearing Cappie's shirt, a bright orange one with flames on the front that smelled so much like him I never wanted to take it off. I had however slipped on a pair of shorts, and tried to tame my wet hair after a quick shower.

Cappie hadn't bothered to dress either. He wore a pair of jeans that rode low on his hips and nothing else. His hair was still wet from his own shower. I noticed how clean and fresh he smelled as we grabbed a few stolen kisses as our breakfast cooked.

He had me pinned against the counter, his lean, long body pressing into mine.

" There you go again, looking like you're trying to eat my SISTER alive. " Rusty interrupted as he entered the room. " It's nice to see you out of bed. I was about to call the calvary to go up and make sure you hadn't died up there. "

Cappie pulled away from me reluctantly and turned to Rusty.  
" You know, Spitter. I think I'm going to introduce you to my sister. Maybe you'll hit it off and we can be even. " he told him.

Rusty was about to deliver what was sure to be a snappy retort when Wade and Beaver came into the room as well.

" Well, well, well. " Beaver smiled at us. " Look who finally emerged from their den of sin. " He came and placed a quick kiss on my check, which surprised me a little, but I didn't say anything. " You're looking rather lovely this morning. "

I smiled and thanked him.

It was one of the happiest breakfasts I'd ever had. Beaver shooed us out of the kitchen when he saw all we were having was toast and coffee. He instead, with Heath's help, prepared for all of us a delicious, eye popping feast to top all feasts. We were served, eggs and bacon, Pancakes and sausage. There was toast, juice and coffee. He even managed to throw in some cinnamon rolls. It was wonderful.

I sat at the huge dining table with Rusty on my left side and Cappie on my right. Everyone was there. We even called Ashleigh over to joins us.

The conversation was light and breezy, filled with jokes and stories. Wade even managed to relate the events of the night before to Ashleigh in such a way we were all very nearly rolling on the floor by the time he was done.

Looking around at all the people that surrounded me, I knew I was right earlier. I had found the place where I belonged, where I was accepted and most of all where I was happy.

The End


	15. Chapter 15

Authors Note

Okay, for everyone I invited to my new yahoo Greek group, I didn't put the link in right, I forgot the last backslash. So the address is correct on my profile under my homepage. For some reason it won't let me type it correctly in this message. So you have to go there to find it, or if you need me to send it to you in a PM- just drop me a line and I'll be happy to hook you up.

For everyone I haven't had a chance to invite, I would love for you to pop over and join up.  
I'm planning on doing a weekly topic about the week's episode. A recap for anyone that might have missed it, plus the URL where you can catch it. Plus a teaser for the up coming episode, News and website address for everything Greek, pics of the cast, etc., etc., etc. Even a place to post your fan fictions.

So come on over and join us. You know you want to. How can you resist this much Greek !


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